Diary of an F1 addict

Clocks

2006-12-20T18:37:00.000+09:00

I started my Christmas shopping today. Finished it today too. I am damn good... I know! Thank you very muchly! OR...Maybe it could just be the fact that I had just TWO people on my shopping list that I had to buy prezzies for :(

Anyways, I plan to enjoy the last fortnight of 2006. I plan to be happy. I plan to throw away all the stupid things that held me down during the first 11 months of the year (must put this on my 2007 resolution list too!) and just have fun. Then again, plans always go to hell, don't they?

Coming back to the aforementioned shopping...I just realized something while indulging in my glorious therapy session today...SHOPPING MALLS DO NOT HAVE CLOCKS!! At least now that I think of it, I can't remember seeing one in a shop or a shopping centre. I wonder, is it a conscious effort on the part of retailers? Did they petition against having clocks in shops? I mean...its freakin genius! If you don't have a clock in the mall, and if you are not wearing one (as in my case, or if you are just too lazy to check your own wrist!), well, you don't know what the time is. And you are so submerged in the very act of buying beautiful things that you couldn't care less. So you buy and splurge and buy some more, and time just flows by. The cash registers clang with the sound of money, always good news for malls.

Lastly, well, I want to make a list of resolutions for next year. I love the "futureme.org" site. Check it out. If you are as crazy as me, you'll love to receive emails from yourself once in a while. Wicked stuff!

For now, adios amigo!

Fly Away!

2006-11-22T16:58:00.000+08:00

I've been paying a lot of attention to the things around me lately and today, I had a wonderfully fascinating experience with the most underestimated of house insects...the common fly.

Two things I must tell you'll before I begin my narrative. Firstly, this fly was not one of your small little ones that just go cruisin' around. No, no...This was one of those huge arse ones...the ones with a hint of green which makes me wonder...Are appearances of paramount importance in the fly world too?? Next, the fly in question was in one of Erica's rooms and our doors end a little higher than the floor to provide a bit of ventilation (I'm guessin').

So...

I was just there. And this green fly...lets name him Adam, was there too.
He starts buzzing around a bit to make me aware of his presence. (Intially, I think that he is a bee and so I start freaking out and cover my ears.)
Adam starts showing me his acrobatic moves and then... without prior warning he GOES SMACK BANG INTO THE WOODEN DOOR!! OMG!!!
I'm freaking out over the safety of this green fly but then...he flies away like nothing is the matter! (In the same way as when you trip over stairs with people behind you and you pretend that you intentionally bent down to pick up something and that it wasn't really a stumble!)
So I observe this curious creature a bit longer, and he goes flying again, high at times, low at others, and then AGAIN!! SMACK bang into the door!! Ouch!!
Adam, unfazed by hitting the door twice in the space of 30 seconds, moves on into his airspace and then repeats his misdemeanour. But this time...he lands just under the door crack.
He waits, hesitant to move.
Then he does his weird Mr. Burns style arms/fingers-rubbing-against-each-other act and moves a step forward.
Seeing no imminent danger, Adam moves a step further and then...he's gone, to discover the great unknown.

AHEM...MAYBE NOT!!!
Adam, I see, has returned. Maybe he didn't like the grass on the other side. Maybe it was a bit too green for him. My buddy Adam has come back to my side and continues with his head-banging-against-the-wooden-door antics. Good for him! If only I could get my thrills so cheaply!

P.S. Googled "fly compound eyes" out of curiosity. Apparently a fly's mirror-like multi-dimensioned eyes cannot be focussed and hence they have blurry vision. Poor Adam! I wish you well buddy!

Yeh, woteva!

2006-11-04T17:21:00.000+08:00

I am stuck in "Yeh, woteva" mode. And I've been stuck for a while now. 2 weeks to be precise.

I lack the motivation to do anything. And I mean "anything"! Waking up in the mornings/afternoons/evenings is such a hassle. Feel like I've been hit by a truck! I don't want to eat/work on my assignments/talk to anyone/do anything that involves me waking up. I mean seriously, what's the point anyways?

If you wake up, you have things to do. Things which will amount to nothing in the end. Things which will make you feel dumb, like that assignment you worked your arse off for and ended up with a mark which was measly compared to the rest. Things which will make you feel stupid, such as not being able to reverse park properly in your driving lesson. Things which will make you freak out, such as everyone studying and you stressing coz you are not motivated to do the stoopid assignment (which you will do miserably in anyways!). Things which will make you feel miserable, such as knowing that in all likelihood you will be spending Christmas alone this year. Things which will make you feel depressed, such as knowing that the people you consider important in your life in all probability do not feel the same way about you. Of course, this is a "hypothetical" situation and has no implications on my life whatsoever. As far as I'm concerned the person in question has serious issues to deal with and is in need of immediate therapy.

I went to the Llama bar last night, in an attempt to lift myself out of my trance. My original intention was to get drunk, but that didn't quite happen. I had 2 ciggies, a strawberry martini and a Mojito (wonderful creation of white rum, lime and mint) and was as sober as Bambi when off dope. Didn't think there was much use spending more money on alcohol as that didn't do anything whatsoever for me, so I didn't bother drinking any more. I must stress, I did have a really good time. For those 3 hours, with people around me, with music pumping loud, I forgot a fair bit, and I think that was fantastic.

Was a bit alarmed after I got home though. As my head hit the pillow, there was a constant ringing sound in my ears. Very much like the dial tone on a dead telephone line. When I sat up in bed, it disappeared. When I lay down again, it re-appeared. Weird, but I slept anyways. Woke up today morning feeling mildly drowsy. And was questioning myself as to what idiot, if married to Kimi Raikkonen would cheat on him, even though the other guy in question was pretty damn charming...? My wonderful dream broken half-way through and the idiot in question being me. If only there was a way to catch up where you left off in la-la land...

Was supposed to go to the Ruby Room tonight. Have changed my mind. Am going to stay at home and eat Mee Goreng and watch telly. I have a 35% assignment due on Monday, but I can't be bothered. I am no quitter, but I have to ask...what's the point in being bloody perfect? What's the point in motivating yourself when there's nothing to look forward to, nothing that is going to make you happy?

I feel screwed. Don't really think it matters though. After all, nothing REALLY matters.

NB. I DID go to the Ruby Room last night. Clubbing was a first for me and must say, I absolutely loved it!! Can't wait to do it again!

Seven

2006-10-25T01:23:00.000+08:00

This post is a bit of an oddity, plainly because...

First of all, blogging was not on my agenda for AT LEAST the next 10,000 years (considering the fact that the main focus of most of my blogging, namely Michael has left me, and the '06 season has come to an end).
Second of all, just a minute ago I was reminiscing about a few scattered events and thinking that if homesickness could kill me, I'd be six feet under with a tombstone that somehow incorporated "In your face, Fernando!", "I'm better at Math than you" and "Earl Grey"...and then through all of this disarrayed jumble of a mess (a.k.a Christabubble's mind) came the thought..."Oh yes, the 7even cardinal sins!!". Now for those of us who are under the disillusion that I am a good Catholic girl, lets get this straight...I'm not! So anyhoos, I thought..."Why not?! Why not the seven cardinal sins, dammit?!"

THE SEVEN CARDINAL SINS

Now, I don't really know if the seven sins are an integral part of Catholicism (I told you I wasn't a good Catholic!!), but no blasphemy is intended in this blog. Its more of a "lets see if the seven sins can be applied to my life" kinda thing. As to why one would actually want to do something like that beats me, but if you've noticed, I've am starting to drift into the realm of talking about myself in third person...so yes, I think "she" has officially lost it.

So...here we go...

First on the list...

(1) PRIDE (alias: Vanity)

Def: Apparently, the sin from which all others arise. A high opinion of one's own importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in conduct.

Hmmm...Pride, eh? Hmmm...I'm thinking here...Am I proud? To be quite honest, I don't think so...I'm trying to justify my answer, but unfortunately am drawing a blank. The only reason I can think of at 12:51am is that I don't qualify for this sin coz I don't go around with my nose so high that I can't see what/who is under me. Sure I think you should be honoured to know me, what with me being such a wonderful person and all...but still...never have I considered myself to be BETTER than anyone else, and that is the honest truth.

(2) ENVY

Def: Desire to have what other people have already got...traits, abilities, etc.

"Madame Foreperson, has the jury reached a verdict? What say you?"
GUILTY DAMMIT, GUILTY!!!
So yes, I'm envious, of a lot of things and I tell you, IT IS A CURSE FOR ME. I want almost everything that everyone else has. I want to be a violin playing, Olympic gold medal winning super rocket scientist chick who can drive like Michael Schumacher AND cook a mean 7-course dinner...but honestly, who am I kidding here? The thing is, the desire to have what I can't is so overwhelming at times, it can leave me utterly remorseful and bitterly resentful. Those are the days my friends that you STAY AWAY from me!

(3) GLUTTONY

Def: Excessive consumption than what is really needed. Mostly in reference to food.

Double choc chip muffins...What can I say? My weakness. My bad.

(4) LUST

Def: A passionate or overmastering desire or craving.

Hmmm...I dunno...Guys as good looking/as eccentric as Kimi Raikkonen/Johnny Depp have "Lust after me" written all over them. Sure I crave them!! Not to appreciate their inherent goodness would be a travesty! Thing to be noted is that I'm realistic enough to know that I'm never going to be within a 10m radius of either of them...so essentially my lust goes as far as envisioning myself as Kimi's race engineer, him loving me to bits for getting him on the first step of the podium and spraying me with champers to show his eternal gratitude...

Oh crap...got lost there for a moment! Ahem...right...moving along...

(5) ANGER (alias: Wrath)

Def: A strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong.

I think I'm a sane person (most of the time!), but when I feel that I've been wronged, I have only one thing to say to you..."Run and hide!". I don't get angry easily, it takes something quite huge to provoke me, but when we surpass that thin red line, ugly horrible things come out of my mouth. Till date I have never regretted any of my outbursts when angry and I have never apologized first unless in hindsight I felt that it was my fault.

(6) GREED (alias: Avarice)

Def: Excessive or rapacious desire, esp. for wealth or possessions.

Sure I want to be rich, but I'm not a hog for wealth. Am trying to find a good analogy here, but at 1:18am, I'm failing miserably.

(7) SLOTH

Def: Laziness.

Oh yeh, bring on the sleep! I am naturally lazy...what can I say? Sid, the sloth is my best friend.

Hmmm...I didn't do too badly I think. Except for envy, anger, gluttony, sloth and lust, I think I did rather well!! :D

Arrivederci Michael! Missing you already!

2006-10-23T19:50:00.000+08:00

Hello my beloved readers!

I am in a bit of a daze today coz I stayed up last night to watch the final race of the F1 season till 3am and the bloody gardeners decided to wake me up with their bloody gardening at some unearthly hour today morning. Like seriously...very inconsiderate I think! I did go back to sleep almost instantly, but thats not the point, is it?! Anyhoos...lack of sleep has definitely upped my weird factor for today...

So! Michael Schumacher...the greatest driver of all time hung up his helmet after the race at Interlagos yesterday. And what a bloody good race it was...Sure we qualified only in P10 and we had that stupid tyre puncture but if one can get past our bad luck, well...it was nothing but sheer brilliance from my all powerful, all mighty beloved Schumi. Not only did he zip past the rest of the field to climb his way from 17th to 4th at the end of the race, but THAT move on Mr. Kimi Raikkonen was complete nerve...a totally stupendous, bring-it-on-kimi-i-don't-care-if-u-have-my-seat-for-next-year-but-this-is-mine! move which to me was more of a omg-plz-plz-don't-collide thing...That was one of the most breathtaking overtaking manoeuvers I've seen in a very long time. As far as I'm concerned, all the grit, determination, passion and never-say-die attitude that has made Michael so great was demonstrated in that one move...Fookin' fantastic! As Byron Young from The Daily Mirror said of Michael in regards to yesterday's race..."There was to be no final miracle from the man who could drive on water. But he went mighty close..." Very well put, Mr. Young.

4th place was the best that we could manage yesterday, but since the tide was against us all along, just seeing Felipe so happy and Michael so content (given the circumstances!) was enough to satisfy the most avid Ferrari fanatic (namely me!). Also, I was very pleased to notice that all the news headlines (I watched the sports headlines on ALL channels...just my way of clinging onto my favourite driver and his momentous occasion) focussed more on Michael's move on Kimi and how fantastic Michael really is, rather than highlighting the fact that Alonso just clinched his 2nd consecutive world championship! Apparently, Frank Williams once commented that Michael was so good that he would be a contender even if he was in a pram...I am very inclined to acquiesce to that.

I keep this blog more of a reminder to me of things- of that have had a profound effect on my life and things that I would like to remember. I really do think that my memory is on a slide down. Would be a bit of a shame if after calling myself "Schumi's biggest fan ever", I didn't have an idea of his stats...so here they are...more for my benefit than yours...

* Most world titles: 7 (1994, 1995, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004)
* Most wins: 91
* Most wins at the same race: 8 (French GP)
* Most wins with one team: 72
* Most pole positions: 68
* Most podium finishes: 154
* Most points scored: 1,369
* Most fastest laps: 76
* Most consecutive seasons with a win: 15
* Most ‘clean sweeps’ (pole, win, fastest lap): 22
* Earliest title winner: 2002 (in July, with 6 races remaining)
* Longest spell with one team: 11 seasons (Ferrari – 1996-2006)
* Most time between first and last race wins: 14 years, 1 month and 1 day
* Only driver to have finished every race on the podium: 2002

Now its all done, and I would like to bid "Cheerio" to my 'ol friend Schumi whom I've known for a wonderful spell of 10 years. Goodness knows if I'll even catch a glimpse of him again, but it has been an absolute honour to see Michael in action. I must give an honourable mention to my friends PJ and Leenz too...the former for apologizing to me when Michael crashed out at the Melbourne GP, the latter for giving Schumi the credit he rightly deserves and more, and both for supporting my addiction to Michael, Ferrari and F1 over the time I've known them (even though both are officially in love with Kimi!!)...Very noble I think...

As for our future, well...Michael's out to enjoy retirement...I hope Felipe and Kimi will keep the Ferrari passion alive. As for me...my cry remains unchanged..."Forza Ferrari".

PS. I like Ferrero Rocher's so much!
PPS. I'm going to miss Michael so much! :(

It is not fair

2006-10-09T15:39:00.000+08:00

I feel bad. For Michael. For Ferrari. For me. I think it is so unfair that fate decided the outcome of yesterday's race and this year's World Championship. Engine failure 17 laps from the end. My heart left its space and plummeted to the ground in a spiral freefall as soon as I saw Michael out of his car, walking back to the pits. So close, yet so far...

Seeing Michael having to retire from the race yesterday brought back horrible memories from the late 1990's.
We had a shit car in 1996 and considering that we won a few races with that piece of junk, I must say, we did pretty well.
1997. The infamous Jerez incident with Villeneuve and the subsequent disqualification from the championship.
1998 was by far the worst year (until now) for me. Tire puncture, and we lost out to Mika Hakkinen.
1999's Silverstone accident ruling us out of the Driver's Championship.
After our reign of glory...2005, where we never really stood a chance.
And now...this year...2006...the worst of them all. Coz we effectively conceded the championship due to a freak reliability issue when we had every chance to hope and defy the odds. Coz we lost it to none other than Fernando Alonso and Renault. Coz around the world, millions of tifosi had their fingers crossed that this year would be our return to glory and a fitting farewell to our Schumi.

I was disappointed yesterday. Actually, that is a huge understatement. I was devastated. I wanted to watch the podium and press conference ceremonies to show my support for Felipe, but then decided that it was too much for me to give.
I just don't think that its fair. Someone like Michael who puts in so much hard-work into what he does, who is naturally brilliant and talented should not have to succumb to something called bad luck. After all, what is luck? And why should it decide anything?! I think if a person has put in the effort to reach a particular sought-after goal, he should be allowed to achieve it, without the interference of such a concept. Luck should not exist. And if it does, its bad counterpart should not interfere with the doings of those who deserve greatness.

As for Michael, I am proud of him. The way he graciously walked back to the pits waving to fans, the way he went around the Ferrari garage commiserating with his mechanics...made me go all mellow. He knows that winning the Driver's Championship this year is a lost cause, but unlike fuckin' Fernando, my Schumi is not a sore loser. He says that he is not upset about this either...that things like this happen in F1 and in life...I am going to miss him...so very much! Just one more race to watch my hero in action, and then, Arrivederci...

Alonso is such a sore loser!

2006-10-06T14:29:00.000+08:00

Fernando is pissing me off. Big time! I used to like the bloke once upon a time (at the start of this year) coz he was so good-natured and cordial and all, but now he has done a complete 180 and turned into this awful awful creature. So yes, my Schumi just kicked his arse in the last race at Shanghai thereby taking the lead of the Driver's championship for the first time this year, and with just two races to go, the pressure to perform must be really getting to Alonso. But that is no excuse for anything...if you want to be World Champion, deal with it!

I just don't get it. Alonso came 2nd in Shanghai thereby limiting the damage caused by Michael's win. Yet, he looked miserable! In the parc ferme, he just went off without even congratulating Michael, and even though it can be argued that he did shake Michael's hand just before going onto the podium, I think it was more of a case that he HAD to rather than he WANTED to. SUCH A SORE LOSER!
Now he's going on about how he thinks that Renault deliberately want to sabotage his championship hopes. Yeah, sure! Coz you know, that will give Flavio and all the Renault employees so much pride! Woteva mate, WOTEVA!

Needless to say he infuriated me when he said that Michael was "unsporting", but as someone wise pointed out...Fernando has NOT been in the business for as long as Michael. Once he has completed his 15 years without a single reckless mistake, he can go ahead and slay Schumi as much as he wants. Until then he can just keep his big trap shut!

On a final note, how is it that team orders are allowed in the Renault camp, but when Ferrari do the same all hell breaks loose?! Bloody FIA! If you want to have rules in F1, make sure that they apply to EVERYONE!

So yes, we have 2 races to go...once again I have this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach...the type you feel when you know that you won't be seeing that special someone you love for a long period of time. Bloody Luca!

Come on...Michael for '06 World Champion!

I NEED to rant!

2006-10-02T20:34:00.000+08:00

I don't see the point in me blogging coz what I am about to say holds no interest for you whatsoever, but I am bored shiteless and I can't even begin to describe how frustrated I am with this damn assignment. Mind you, I haven't even started (and its due tomorrow), but that's just a minor detail and is quite honestly not the point...
The point is that I lack the motivation to do anything and I blame the last assignment I had for killing my spirit and soul all at once. I can't do this...I really cannot! HOW CAN I BE EXPECTED TO DO THIS THING WHEN IT FAILS TO INTEREST ME EVEN REMOTELY??!!

In the diary of my life, this day would probably be put down as "The day I nearly died out of suffocation"...A bit dramatic, but still...I feel so trapped...its like I need a breath of fresh air...the clear type of air that I suppose one would gasp for after being under icy cold water and nearly drowning.

I need to do something fun...I can't express how happy I feel after shopping but with my budget taking a severe beating, that particular activity has been causing me more grief than joy recently. I need to do something more exhilirating than that...something that will wake me up from my daydreams and make me feel really alive...What that thing is though, I don't know.

Have started my driving lessons lately and although I love being in the car and turning and twisting it around, I hate the anxiety that precedes these 1 hour sessions. I feel really apprehensive and I have been postponing my lessons coz of this...Come on, people...my expectations of being a natural pro driver/goddess (with undiscovered talent and speed) in a car isn't being irrational...is it?

Sigh...I wanna do something else besides this stupid assignment. I want to watch "Fight Club" again coz I think Ed Norton was absolutely fan-fuckin-tastic in it! I wanna go on holiday. I want to perv on Kimi some more. I don't want Michael to say goodbye. At this moment in time, I want to be anywhere else but here...

End of rant.

PS. Excellent drive by Michael yesterday. Was so happy that he won. Our Shanghai curse has finally been broken. Woohoo! In your face, Fernando!

Yup, thats all.

Shattered

2006-09-11T01:54:00.000+08:00

Michael Schumacher announced his retirement to the F1 fraternity today. It was expected and yet it has left me stunned. I never knew Michael personally but I still feel a profound sense of loss.

I went to the Melbourne GP this year with the intention of seeing Michael drive before he retired. Only, when I said that, I didn't REALLY think he would leave. The man has racing in his blood. I can safely say that no other driver on the grid at the moment has the same passion for racing as my Schumi. And yet, despite his love for the sport, he has decided to leave...I am confounded and to say that I am sad would be like touching the tip of an iceberg.

Why am I so deeply saddened? I don't know. Maybe because I started off on this journey with Michael when I was 13. Maybe because I followed him through thick and thin as he strove to raise Ferrari from their shambles and make them rulers of F1 again. Maybe because no matter what, I always stood by him. My loyalty to him has been the only thing that hasn't wavered. I have fought with family and friends to defend the name of my driver and my team. And so in a way, I feel that all that has been in vain. That in leaving, Michael has crushed that bond that linked me to him, that he has left the family that I was a part of.

Besides being a brilliant driver, Michael has always been a source of inspiration to me. I have never looked at him in the way I oggle at Raikkonen, but to me Michael has been everything that inspires awe. He has always been a high-achiever and his records will not be broken for a very long time to come. In all the years I followed him, he struck me as being, cool, calm, ruthless and utterly and disbelievingly passionate about his job. Maybe one of the reasons I loved Michael so much was because he was everything I'm not. I always felt such joyous pride when Michael did something good- when he did well in a race, when he gave money to charity. Now that era has come to an end. Now he will retire at the end of the season and I will see no more of his greatness...I will see no more of my Schumi. I will be relegated to watch the younger generation of F1 racers who lack the flair and charisma that Michael possessed. The fact that I will not see anymore of Michael stings like hell.

At this point in time, I wonder...are all the Tifosi around the world sitting in their rooms too, lamenting and crying at their loss? Or was my obsession with Michael just unnatural? I have always thought myself to be a Ferrari fan. However, I realize that for the most part, I am a Ferrari fan ONLY because Michael is a part of Ferrari. After the 2006 season though, I will be a Ferrari fan because my idol belonged to their team, because that is probably the only common link I will ever have with him.

I feel like I've lost something very dear to me today. And I know that I am going to be mourning my loss for a very long time to come. My only hope is that people do not forget the legacy of Michael, that they will always remember his greatness as a driver and a human being. As for Michael, all I can wish him is the very best, in whatever he does.

Forza Ferrari!
I'm going to miss you so much, Michael.

From me, just one of your adoring Tifosi

BSB are blog-worthy

2006-09-03T15:41:00.000+08:00

I spent all of Sunday listening to the Backstreet Boys and gaybo boybands. And although this sort of thing should never be admitted in public, I still feel pretty good after listening to them try to swoon me over!

There's something about boybands. Their preppy love songs filled with exploding drum beats can make even the biggest skeptic smile at least a bit. For me, listening to BSB's "Shape of my heart", N'Sync's "Tearin up my heart" and 98 degrees' "Invisible man" bring back memories from my teenage years.

This is the scenario...mid-1990's, me being all naive and gullible at 12, and then they arrived...bands with apparently hot guys singing...to me! At least, thats what all 12-year olds or teenagers thought then! They were such a change...from Michael Jackson! My first exposure to boybands was when I heard "Get Down" by the Backstreet Boys...Sad to say, I got hooked. I purchased all their albums, one of their concerts (which was prolly the last one in Kuwait!) and was a regular subscriber to BOP so that I could oggle at their centre-folds (although, in hindsight, none of them were good lookin'!). Quite sad, huh? I got my Muslim friend hooked onto them as well, and god! didn't we have a warped fun time trying to smuggle the mags into her house without being noticed by her dad! I also had five girls in my class who thought that it was cool to pretend to be members of the BSB. Our infatuation with the boys was very sad indeed, but hey! today, they form a very strong part of my teenage memories.

Having studied in an all-girls school, my teenage years had only two true loves...the Backstreet Boys and Michael Schumacher. I had scrap-books dedicated to both of them. I still remember mum being totally unimpressed with me AND my dad (who being very enthusiastic about supporting my interests used to pay for my BOP and MS fan club subscriptions!). Mum thought that I had wrong idols and that I should have my priorities right at 12. She must have made me feel really guilty, coz I actually gave away my scrap-books. Now, well, I wish I hadn't.

Nine years on, my idols have changed a bit. I don't subscribe to BOP, but F1 Racing has taken its place. My priorities are still warped. I still have a soft spot for the BSB, and I am still in love with Michael. I have another addition now though...Kimi Raikkonen. If I were 12 again, I'd most definitely keep a scrap-book for him. Whether mum approved or not.

Everybody's Free

2006-08-23T18:38:00.000+08:00

Yes, I know...I blogged just yesterday! I am feeling kinda blue though and I have this strong urge to puke. In an attempt to subdue both of these, I have been blasting music on my beloved LG (I likes it a lot!!)

But yeah, as I was listening to a few of my CD's, I realized as to how profound some of the lyrics can be, especially when you're feeling down. Nothing like the boybands to get you swooning and thinking about Kimi and nothing like Abba to make you revitalize your hatred for Fernando. But yeah, songs are a powerful medium and I particularly like the lyrics of Baz Luhrmann's Everybody's Free (To wear sunscreen). So here I share with you the lyrics of a favourite of mine...

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’97, Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you.

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…

What ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own...

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

(Brother and sister together we'll make it through. Someday your spirit will take you and guide you there I know you've been hurting, and I know I've been waiting to be there for you. And I'll be there, just tell me now, whenever I can. Everybody's free.)

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…

(Brother and sister together we'll make it through. Someday your spirit will take you and guide you there I know you've been hurting, and I know I've been waiting to be there for you. And I'll be there, just tell me now, whenever I can. Everybody's free.)

Update

2006-08-22T15:41:00.000+08:00

Hello all!

Its been around 2 weeks since I last blogged and although nothing much has happened in that time, this blog is just to keep you informed of all the "exciting" things I've been up to.

So yeah...starting off with today...Today is a shitty day! Actually, it isn't really...its just that for the past two weeks I have been alone at home most mornings and I find that I don't take this very well. I end up brooding coz everyone is at uni having a "fun" time and I'm at home all by myself. Anyways, yes, to stem the brewing anger and thoughts of self-pity, I have taken up cross-stitch. I shall shoot anyone who calls me a granny, so don't even dare! Some people like sky-diving...I just happen to enjoy cross-stitch!

So yeah, that's the first development since the last time I blogged. Secondly, I am now officially "old". I turned 22 last Friday and never before have I been so apprehensive about an upcoming birthday. I usually welcome them with open arms, but this year was different. I think now birthdays to me signify THAT time of the year when you sit down and re-evaluate your life...what you have achieved and what you THOUGHT you would achieve a year ago. As if we didn't have New Year's eve to do that! I did the big mistake of doing an evaluation this year and god! didn't it dampen MY spirits!! Thankfully, I have friends like Leenz who are around to knock sense into me and uplift my moods and I must say I got really nice prezzies this year (although I explicitly said I didn't want any presents, I wasn't complaining when I received them! I was positively ecstatic actually!)...and the fact that PJ called to wish me was like an early Christmas for me! That girl usually never remembers dammit...I was quite impressed! :D

Thirdly, well, I've started my Master's degree. I have become so demoralized at not finding a job that I am finding it difficult to be bothered applying anymore. And yet, I know I should. Anyways, yeah...to keep my sanity, I have started my Masters. I have my first assignment due on the coming Monday and it has me traumatised. I don't know how to start on it...And yes, I have tried. Think I'm going to be up for a very long time tonight. Also, I think while doing my UG degree, I'd forgotten how to spend my leisure time...Now I consider any free time I have to be unproductive and it freaks me out...At the same time though, I know that I don't want to delve into anything else too quickly...I need a break *drifting visions of my Melbourne weekend*

Fourthly...I got myself new red shoes and a very aesthetically pleasing LG stereo system. Both were spotted by Leenz and I absolutely lurve them (although the damn shoes had me limping, I really likes them...when has beauty ever come cheap??!!). As I said before, I've been feeling really crappy today and so I thought of the perfect way to cheer myself up...I have avoided doing my assignment and am blasting my eardrums with Oasis on my new LG...Ah...bliss! Besides all that I've been preparing for my theory driving test and my IELTS English test. I am a bit nervous *uncontrollable twitching* for the latter coz its been a while since I last wrote essays and read comprehension passages and to be quite honest, my vocabulary has changed dramatically since I was in high school...So yeah, I'm afraid...*sigh* Bring it on, I say!

And lastly...People...be shocked...be very, very shocked but I have stale news for you...I am in lurve with Kimi Raikkonen. I don't even know how that came about...but god! I am in lurve!! I have been googling the boy like there is no tomorrow and I have 142 pics of him on my desktop...Yeah, I have a new obsession now...I think the boy is damn sexy and the fact that he might soon be a Ferrari driver is just a bonus. Come on Kimi...join us, damn you! I have to clarify something though...just because Kimi is making me feel like a 13 year old all over again doesn't mean that I've ditched Michael. Who says you can't love two men at once? I am still a Ferrarista through and through but I do appreciate a good lookin catch when I find one. Anyways, thats about it for my update people. Nothing exciting really, but yeah...I just needed a way to kill time today.

Arrivederci! And as my ex-classmate would say...May the force be with you!

Stupid Things

2006-08-10T18:57:00.000+08:00

Hello all,

I am totally pissed off coz Curtin has decided to play wise-guy and has blocked all internet access to anything that can be remotely classified as "fun". This includes my blog and life-sustaining F1 sites and hence, I am very very unhappy. At the moment I am not supposed to be blogging, but I don't give a shit. I am going to do whatever I feel like (until they send me my 3rd and final internet breach warning, that is!).

So...today, I shall go down memory lane and narrate to you some of the stupid things I've done in my 21 years of life...Looking back on these, I must say...I AM rather dim-witted.

Incident #1: This one is a classic!

Sometime last year, I got into this smoking phase thing, where I would basically light up a ciggie, inhale deeply and exhale with relief. Well, on one such occasion, while happily walking down the ramp along Kirribilli Cafe, I took out an Alpine, held it between my lips and lit my beloved cigarette. All was going well (or so I thought!) until I smelt something burning...ah...don't be alarmed...it was nothing...JUST my hair, actually! I don't know how many of you'll have been "fortunate" enough to do something like this, but God! burning hair smells like shite! Its kinda cool in hindsight...From what I remember, all I could see after lighting my ciggie, was well...nothing!! I could hear a quickly-moving-upwards fizzing sound which was my hair getting the shite singed out of it and the next thing I know, I was madly ruffling my hair, to make sure it didn't catch on fire...Hades might look cool and savvy when his hair is on fire, but I don't think that look suits us all.

Incident #2: What was I thinking?

A long time ago, when I was waaay younger, I was alone at home. And I had a "supposed" headache. So I rummaged through the medicine closet and found the perfect solution...Tiger Balm!! Now for those of you who are unaware of what this is...it is a highly potent mixture that no kid of 12 should apply on their forehead to get rid of the aforementioned headache...Why??? Coz a day after this lethal substance is applied, the mentioned forehead turns black and skin starts peeling off (worse than if you've been sunburnt)...kinda looks like necrosis or apoptosis (Woohoo, I know what it means, Leenz!) of the skin. Can't remember if I went out with my shocking forehead, but can tell you one thing...the sight was far from pretty...really shocking actually!

Incident #3: What was I thinking (yet again!!)?

I tripped my aunt over once...on purpose!! She was holding my cousin in her arms and she was going to sit down in a chair, and me being the evil child that I was then decided that it would be funny if she went to sit down, and I removed the chair from under her, thus making her fall in heap on the floor...Yeah...thats what I did!! I found it hilarious then...in fact I can still laugh out loud when I think of it...No one else found it amusing though :(
Come on!! Come on, tell me that isn't funny??!!

Hehe...I sure am a piece of work, ain't I? You'll should be honoured to know me, dammit!! :D

Domestic Goddess?? NOT!!

2006-08-02T16:25:00.000+08:00

Hello my beloved readers!

I have noticed that you'll have dwindled down now (not like I had many of you'll to start with!) but anyhoos...I feel like blogging, so whether there's anyone to read or not, I shall carry on with my stuff...

I have just finished reading "The Undomestic Goddess" by Sophie Kinsella and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Probably because I could relate to Ms. Samantha Sweeting so much...High profile lawyer who can't cook or clean...Very much like me...However, in her case, the bitch managed to whip up foie gras in the end...As for me, I don't have much hope.

All of you who know me, lets admit it...I can't keep a room clean for long without cluttering it up and I'm no Nigella Lawson. Let's just leave aside the cleaning bit for now coz that is just too damn depressing to write about...lets move on to cooking instead...not like that provides me with much solace either. If Jamie Oliver is Dr. Jekyll, then I am his evil-counterpart- Mr. Hyde when it comes to cooking. I can't cook. That is a non-negotiable fact and it bites. So, lets see...what exactly can't I do in the kitchen? Actually it would probably be easier to mention what I can do (yeah...the list is damn short!).

WHAT I CAN DO IN THE KITCHEN

1) I can clean up after someone else has done the cooking.
2) I can cook anything that involves removing the plastic film and chucking it into an oven or microwave.
3) Get one of those ready-made curry paste thingy's and then invent my own lethal recipe with it.
4) I can do a few simple things...such as cook beef in a mushroom sauce, make zucchini-mushroom stir-fry (Leenz said that it was good, and I am willing to take her word for it...any praise I get, I shall grab and cling onto, thank you v. muchly!)

WHAT I CANNOT DO IN THE KITCHEN (even if my life depended on it!)

1) Cook rice! (Thankfully Leenz has now mastered the art, sparing me of the humiliation of admitting this to anyone else)
2) Toast bread (The toaster doesn't like me...keeps on burning the shit out of all that I put in it)
3) Anything to do with fish (The last time I tried cooking fish which was 6 months or a year ago, it turned out horribly! It was that bad that I haven't tried cooking fresh fish since then! I am just going to stick to Birds Eye Ready-made Fish Fillets, thank you)
4) Anything that involves making curries, or putting in more than 3 ingredients or takes more than 15 minutes to cook
5) I can't bake (The last time I tried a cake for Christmas, the damn thing sank to the bottom of the baking tin. Turns out I didn't add baking soda. They said the flour was self-raising and I thought it would suffice dammit!)
6) If it is not covered in my "WHAT I CAN DO IN THE KITCHEN" list, tough luck!

It is just too difficult to cook dammit! Too many damn ingredients and time frames to remember. I have come to the conclusion that it is better to starve than go through all that trouble to cook. That's why they've marketed thingy's like frozen lasagne and chips and ready-to-go meals...to keep people like me (who don't have a single hope of becoming a domestic goddess) content.

*sigh* Quite sad, huh? I know!

Leo

2006-07-27T12:34:00.000+08:00

As we approach the start of August, I can't help but feel happy. You see, my birthday is on the horizon and I feel a child-like anticipation and eagerness welling up in me with every passing day. True, I'm no longer a kid, but I love birthdays...Mine that is! I still get birthday cards and prezzies...and surprise party thingys...it doesn't really bother me when people don't remember, but when they do, I am as thrilled as a three-year old...I love my birthday even though it signifies another year gone by...another page to be turned over in the book of my life.

Anyhoos...being born in August means that I fall under the zodiac sign of the lion-Leo. Now, I'm not really into astrology or horoscopes or anything, but I feel a sense of pride to belong to this sign. To me it signifies power, pride and dominance. People might argue that I am an odd one then coz as far as I'm concerned, I'm timid...nothing like a lioness at all. Maybe thats because I was actually supposed to be born in October...That means I should have actually come under Libra or Scorpio, but anyways...I'm happy with being a Leo and out of intrigue, I have spent time searching for other personalities who fall under the same star sign as me.

Seemingly, Napolean was a Leo. As are Fidel Castro and Benito Mussolini. I half expected Hitler to be in this list, but apparently he is a Taurus. Other political personalities include Bill Clinton, Queen Elizabeth and John Howard. Seems like some of us are obsessed by the desire to be rulers of all, but seriously...conquering the world is not really my thing.

Quite a few famous actors and actresses are Leo's too. Dustin Hoffmann, Madonna, Joey a.k.a Matt LeBlanc, Harry Potter boy Daniel Radcliffe, Sandra Bullock, Kevin Spacey, and X-Files duo David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson are also Leos.

Writers too seem to be prolific in our sign. P.D. James, Ogden Nash, George Bernard Shaw, Alfred Hitchcock are a few of the many.

Other people who I think deserve a mention in this list are Henry Ford, Coco Chanel, Amelia Earhart, Roman Polanski, Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, Mick Jagger, Louis Armstrong (the cyclist I think) and Neil Armstrong (the astronaut).

Edward Norton, Denis Leary and Christian Slater were born on the 18th of August. My special day too. I think I'm in good company. But seriously...whats with them all being bloody actors?? How come there are no great engineers in this section, or this list for that matter? Bloody engineers!

Lonely

2006-07-15T21:59:00.000+08:00

Hello all!

Don't really have anything to blog about, but I am bored and right now Akon's "Lonely" is playing in my head, so yeah...this is basically going to be a rant about why I hate my life at this point in time (I have always been "the glass is half empty" type!).

Every high point in my life has always been followed by a wearisome and draining low period. My latest trough came to be just after I found out that I had graduated my engineering degree. I was so happy that day...don't know what happened after that...

I am lonely. Everyone's gone home for the holidays and although I have endured this pain over the past 3 years, this year my loneliness is very taunting. As much as I bitch about my family and how much I hate going back home, there is no other place I would rather be at right now. I miss dad. I miss mum.

I have so many things on my mind at the moment. And one emotion is becoming my dictator. Fear. I am scared. Afraid. Apprehensive. I feel like crying a lot lately. I want to go back to uni. I want to snuggle in the familiarity of Ohm's law and Calculus. I want to get rid of all my insecurities. I want to stay at Erica. I want to get a job. I want to be assured that my family and friends will always love me. I want to be successful. I want my life to end.

I have stopped listening to Coldplay. For now, at least. I find their songs very depressing. I think they make one's loneliness 1000 times more intense. So now, to counter my over-thinking mind and all its nasty thoughts, I just sleep. I get up in the morning and then go back to sleep. If I have something to do, such as my PR formalities, I get up, do those and then go to sleep. I don't feel like eating anymore. No hunger, no thirst. I do try and eat at night though. Actually, by that time I am quite hungry from the lack of fuel intake during the day. But yeah...sleep is my solace. Sleep is beautiful and my refuge.

I have just realized one other thing...I still don't know what my favourite colour is...Its very close...red or blue? That's the question.

Retail therapy has helped to a certain extent, but I think even that has reached a saturation point. The problem as I see it, is that I am not happy. I am looking for something...something to make this life worth living, and so far it is eluding me.

Uncertainty is a bitch. Loneliness is her companion. I hate them both.

Coldplay

2006-07-08T13:08:00.000+08:00

Hello all!

Been a while since I last blogged. That was partly me being lazy and partly because I had very little interesting stuff to talk about. However, I went to the Coldplay concert yesterday and I can sum up the entire experience in one word...BRILLIANT!!

I have noticed that when I have some big event coming up, I get all excited waaaay before the GP/concert/whatever but that enthusiasm dies as the date of the actual event approaches. Fortunately, this is usually rekindled on the day/weekend in question and it was no different for the Coldplay concert.

Coldplay played at Burswood Dome in Perth on the 7th of July '06. It was the first time they'd been to Perth in their 9 years of recording music. I was there to see them perform live.

Seriously, Coldplay are a band to watch live. They sound wonderful on CD, but that sound is 1000 times more joyful when you hear them live. And Chris Martin...I'm in love with him. I think it was after seeing him on 'Enough Rope' with Andrew Denton. He seems like the kind of guy that could say the meanest things and still be charming. And, he has the clearest bluest eyes I've seen in a very long time. Even the Scandinavian boys on the Swedish soccer team did not have those kind of eyes (Btw, what is it with having totally 'un-good' looking players on soccer teams...some of the games were so boring...how do they expect us to sit through the entire game if there's no one to perv on??!!)

Anyhoos, back to Coldplay...If you like their songs, I would highly recommend seeing them live if they came to your city. I loved them. I came out of the concert deaf, hoarse and without feeling in my hands (from clapping so much!), but surely, if anything those are the best indicators of a good concert.

I loved Coldplay so much that I wished it didn't have to end. It was positively depressing for me to go back home (Sorry Leenz for the contemplative blabbering on the way back). I have nothing to cross out from my calendar now...nothing to look forward to.

Had the weirdest montage of dreams last night...there was one about me not being able to change my MSN nick...and another one about me being pregnant and my mother-in-law hating me and my brother-in-law trying to woo me...Go figure!!

Adios my friends...my next post will probably be after the World Cup finals on Sunday. GO ITALY!!

Done!

2006-06-20T17:43:00.000+08:00

I'm back after writing my last ever exam of my undergrad degree and I feel nothing but absolute bliss. Bliss combined with relief and and inexplicable joy. In short, at the moment I feel like I'm on top of the world!! In your face, world!! True my exam was not too bad, or I wouldn't have been as ecstatic (although I'm really hoping I don't fail or get a supp for Engg. Econs...there was a reason for me choosing to study engineering over commerce, ppl!), but anyhoos...

I was at the testosterone filled engineering labs till midnight yesterday and as I looked around at the pale and tired faces of my class-mates, I felt a sense of loss...To say that I would miss studying with my buddies would be a blatant lie, but I WILL MISS THEM...horribly! I'll miss cramming theories with them at the last minute, staying at the labs at unearthly hours and eating takeaway food, bitching about our lecturers, whinging about how difficult our units are, panicking and crying after a test. I took a long, hard look at my exam answer sheet before handing it over to my examiner today, and yeah...in my own way I'll miss all the ups and downs and mental chaos that ensues from studying at uni...

I guess today is a time of introspection for me...I am at the threshold of graduating and as much freedom and independence I feel at the moment, I will always miss the security of being at uni. A lot of people have been asking me if I'm excited about graduating, and to be honest, all I can say is I'm not sure...Sure I want to go out there and take on the world with my engineering skills and make it a better place to live in and all, but for me being at uni was fun. I had really really bad days when I would wish all would just end, but with the aid of family, friends and my beloved classmates (three cheers for collation/plagarism I say!) I got through all of it...I vaguely remember when I first came to uni...I was 17 then...naive, gullible, and utterly nice. Now at 21, I feel a sense of accomplishment...I think I am a better person now and I feel more complete. Some would say that I am bitchier, and more vocal and offensive now, but no, I think I like the new me. I think the company I've kept and the enviroment I've lived in has changed me...in so many ways...Besides a tentative degree, there are three important things I've gotten out of uni...

1) Faith...in God and in other people
2) Treasured friendships
3) The knowledge that nothing is REALLY important in life...everything is relative and no matter how important it may seem, all things are just passing...

This is a haphazard post and the contemplative side of me is just begging for me to sit and reflect and get in touch with my innermost emotions, but at the moment I can't be stuffed. I feel happy today and I would love to do something fun to celebrate...Damn you Leenz for having exams and you too PJ for being so damn far away!! Well, I think I'm just going to have to temporarily satisfy myself by going out to the lounge and watching telly...and maybe begin with Narnia...oh yeah, and then, and then...maybe I'll watch the World Cup matches. Sounds like a fun plan, huh?? Thats it for me...for today at least...

Bring on tomorrow, I say!

Leave of Absence

2006-05-31T22:55:00.000+08:00

Hello all!

Will be a while since I get back to blogging again coz I'm having exams from the 12th to the 20th of June and I'm panicking coz I haven't started studying properly for them. Of course, if I'm really pissed off/excited/need to rant, I will leave everything aside to jot down my thoughts, but until then I'm on temporary leave.

Adios my beloved readers and see you'll on the other side.

P.S. For reasons unknown, Queen's "I wanna break free" is now playing in my head and is refusing to stop.

Pissed!

2006-05-25T14:04:00.000+08:00

ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: This is a rant, and it is going to be filled with expletives...If your eyes are innocent and you don't want to be corrupted by my language, do not proceed any further.

Ok, I am really pissed off at the moment. And its not in a nice, had-too-much-alcohol kind of way either. It is a "I-am-pissed-and-frustrated-and-if-I-could-I-would-strangle-you" kind of thing. Seriously, I hate all the administrative departments at my uni!! They have fucked up so much of my shit in previous years, but this time they have outdone their own incompetency!!

Get this...Yesterday, my beloved Student Services throws me a surprise and tell me "Oh, I'm sorry to inform you that you won't be able to graduate this semester after all, coz you are 25 credits short of the required 800 credits". Needless to say, I thought she was joking first, then I was like "What the fuck?" and then I started quivering coz they were fucking serious. Went through my virtually non-existent paperwork and my most recent enrolment advice which was deemed to be insignificant enough and had equations written all over it, and I found out that my tears were fucking wasted coz what do you know...I actually do complete 800 creds by the end of this sem. So today, I went marching in to uni to get this sorted out, but before I did that, I met up with J. She has always been good to me and when I told her about my problem she was really sympathetic and put a call to Student Services. Seriously, that place is inhabited by bitches! Get this...I'm actually enrolled in 5 units this semester...but what do you know...FUCKED UP STUDENT SERVICES DECIDE TO PLAY PSYCHIC AND HAVE ACTUALLY WITHDRAWN ME FROM A UNIT WITHOUT MY REQUEST OR CONSENT!! They said that I had handed in paperwork to withdraw from my unit. Like seriously, do you think I am that fucked up, to pay $2000, turn up to classes and hand in assignments if I am not doing the fucking unit???!!!! If I withdrew from the unit, how come you'll don't have the paperwork to prove it, how come I didn't get a letter from the university saying that "Dear Ms. Q, you have a credit of $2000 in your account and we will be making a cheque out to you shortly"?? I have had it with them!! Seriously, if you'll can't handle the bloody computer database properly, I will donate a pen and notepad to you'll to take notes properly. 10 bucks, even that will be stuffed up by you'll!!

I am so cheezed off...frustrated with the incompetency of these people. The bitch actually said that it was my responsibility to check that I was enrolled correctly...NEWSFLASH: I DID!! It was right on the first day of sem...I am not a loser to go and fucking check the system every day to make sure that you'll haven't screwed up. I am a student...doesn't mean that you'll should fucking red-tag me and give me shit...

This is not the first time that this has happened either...I've had to change my enrolment (mostly without fault of mine) almost every semester. Now to resolve this latest crisis, they've asked me to write letters to higher authorities to get this sorted out. I don't need this shit people!! I have other things to be concerned with. Ultimately it seems that I might be able to graduate this semester after all...but it might be only with 775 creds. Thats cool, but tell me something...will you'll refund my money, or will you'll reimburse me for the time and effort being spent thinking about this shit? I don't think so...fuckers!!

I am seriously pissed off...Can you tell??

Home

2006-05-23T11:36:00.000+08:00

DISCLAIMER:
This blog is more of a "need-to-clear-my-mind" kind of thing, so please do not feel obliged to read this...I know you'll are good friends of mine, but 10 bucks says that you'll will die of boredom if you do read this. I do not want to be held liable for any such unfortunate consequence.

You've been warned...

They say that home is where the heart is. I dunno. Maybe. That would mean that in my case I have two homes then...one, my student dorm in Perth, and the other, my soon to be demolished flat in Kuwait.

At the moment, I stand at the edge, overlooking a sea of uncertainty. I might be able to stay in Australia after my UG degree, or I might have to go back. Will I get a job in Australia? If not, what do I do? Do I go ahead with a Master's degree or have I had enough already? Will I really graduate this semester or is that asking for too much? Those are the questions confronting me at the moment, and I am totally pissed off at the presence of so many unknowns.

"These are exciting times" says someone whom I hold close to my heart and he says it with so much enthusiasm and conviction that I almost believe him. The more I think of it, the more I realize that THIS IS NO BIG DEAL. In my very own fairytale, I graduate this semester, I get my PR soon after, I secure this fantastic job and everything's bliss...I live happily ever after. However, in my not so perfect world, all this could go horribly wrong.

Firstly, I NEED to pass this sem. Secondly, I've been applying for jobs and with every rejection letter I receive (I've gotten three so far!), I feel like someone is smacking the shit out of me. Its like I've gone through 4 years of this degree putting myself through stress and pain and its not even worth it. Well, yeah...pretty depressing for me.

Next, my PR. I've gotten mixed reviews on whether I can stay here in Australia or not. I am meeting a migration agent tomorrow and he is going to give me my final verdict...whether I can stay here and have a stab at a better life, or if I have to go back to Kuwait and forever be a second class citizen. If I have to go back to Kuwait, sure...I'll go back. Rather, I will HAVE to. PROS: I'll have my family with me, no more dinner dilemmas (should I have instant noodles tonight...again??!!), I might even get myself a good job with a hefty paycheck, and I will not have to spend a fortune on dates (the edible type) and petrol (when I learn to drive!). CONS: I actually liked Perth. I love the freedom I have here...to swear and drink and do my own grocery shopping. I guess those are the things that I'll miss the most (besides the trees in Perth), but I'll get over it. I will miss my friends in this part of the world a lot, but thats why email and mobile phones were invented. I will miss Sepang '07, which was supposed to be PJ's, Leenz' and my annual trip, and that will be something that I will be bitter about and resent for a very long time.

My conclusion: Life is filled with trade-offs. I have been very fortunate to study overseas and for me being in Australia has been a joyride. Who knows, if I'm really really desperate, I might decide to put myself through another year of self-inflicted torture and do a Masters Degree. Kuwait...well, I miss my dysfunctional family horribly. I miss mum, ice-creams with dad, fighting with Josh and bullying Jeremiah (with the aid of Josh, of course!) I feel like I'm missing out on so much...my folks getting older and the boys entering adolescence. And I hate that feeling...I hate being left out.

As can be seen from this blog, I'm a thinker...or a worrier...take your pick. We'll settle for "thinker"...it sounds flashier and deep. Its just that I hate uncertainty...I like organization, be it for my day, or for my life. I have to know whats next in store for me...Anyhoos, since that's not happening, this is what I seriously "think"...whatever has to happen will happen. I am 21...I should be enjoying life, not thinking about it. Thats what I intend to do...Live in the moment, for the moment. Stuff tomorrow! I might not even be alive!

Family and Friends

2006-05-17T18:25:00.000+08:00

Heya!!

After reading Leenz's latest post, namely "My Point of View" (I tried to link your blog Leenz, but couldn't figure it out properly!! Sorry!), I'm feeling a bit nostalgic and a bit blue and I really don't want to start working on my thesis again...so yes, taking all that into account and the fact that I just couldn't resist the urge to blog about my friends...I present... my latest post...

Friends...I don't know who you people out there consider as friends, or how important they are to you, but to me, this bunch of people mean the world. I suppose a disadvantage of being an only child is that I never had anyone to grow up with. Without choice, my friends became intertwined with family.

I separate people into groups- family, relatives, acquaintances, rivals, friends, enemies (they are important!), admirers and people who don't hold any special meaning to me. Of this entire lot, my extended family and friends mean the most to me. Ironically, its to these two groups of people that I cause the most pain and weirdly enough, these two groups are the ones who have hurt me the most.

Family...its a weird thing, that...You are stuck with these people when you are young and then then grow on you. I wouldn't trade my dysfunctional family for anything in the whole wide world...I just don't think I'd fit in anywhere else...besides that, well, despite all our stuff-ups, we do have our moments of endearment.

Friends...I'm not really sure if everyone makes "real" friends during their childhood only...or if the process lasts till we die. I'm still trying to discern that. I have very few friends, but I would do almost anything for them (Please ask me to jump off a cliff!! I don't wanna write this damn thesis already!!). I do try and keep in touch, but I am admit that I'm lazy and so that doesn't quite work out to plan usually. I'm quite good with birthdays...its one of those things that I remember every year, whether they do or not...I like my friends because they put up with me. Its a gift, I assure you! I think I take more than I give...in friendships...and in every other relationship. Anyhoos, since I'm just drifting...so I'm going to end this with a few shout-outs...actually, just people who I consider to be my "friends" and who hopefully will read this damn blog!!

1) Ed: I've known you since the 4th grade, and I really, really don't know how to thank you for always being there for me. Being a year older than you, I should probably be the one looking out for you, but anyhoos...thanks Ed...you are more of a sister than a friend to me...

2) PJ: I didn't think you and I would ever get past being just house-mates, and even now its a mystery to me how we got close. Probably coz you were one of the very few who knew exactly what my frame of mind was...don't really know many people who can pick up on my moods...But thank you for everything...cooking for me, taking care of me when I was sick (you wanted to burn me then, didn't you??!! I was so damn skeptical!!)...everything...

3) Leenz: I think the people at Coles have established that you are I are arch-enemies, what with YOU hurling insults at me and all =) But yeah, its been a real pleasure knowing you...A special thanks for encouraging me, cooking for me while you were sick and for just putting up with my neurotic self. In your blog, you say that "I have a group of friends that I know I will eventually lose contact with"...I think that may have been referring to people like myself, but I sure hope that we will stay friends. Despite our differing points of view, you've always been a good pal to me. Thanks!

4) Liz: Remember us cramming for our C.Sc lab exams in year 12, and although we were panicking ourselves shiteless at that time, those school memories are some of the best I have. I was quiet and demure in school and you helped get me out of that to a certain extent. Thanks for that...Oh and yes...good luck with your project dear. Hopefully we'll both get out of uni soon and finish these degrees unscathed.

5) Sowmya: Don't know what to say...you were good to me Sowmya...always...never made me feel out of place. Thanks!

6) Suad: You are married and all now, but remember the embarassing times when we used to be crazy about the Backstreet boys and how we used to hide our BOP magazines from your dad!!! Good times!!

7) A special shout out to all my uni peers without whom my attempt to finish this degree would be doomed...

And that people is it...In my 21 years, barring number 7, I have made 6 friendships that I consider very valuable and will make an attempt to sustain... *sigh* On a totally random note, I seriously feel like punching someone in the face...surely that isn't normal... Arrivederci!

Barcelona

2006-05-15T11:44:00.000+08:00

Fernando won yesterday. I'd kind of expected that though. He wanted to win on his home soil SO damn badly. A lot of Spaniards were there to support him too...In fact, all the grandstands were a sea of blue and yellow, except for one patch of red...Pity the people who went decked out in Ferrari/Mclaren/any other team's gear...They must have gotten a few evil looks from the Renault supporters, I reckon...Anyhoos, coming to the race itself, Renault had a good package and from what I could see, Fernie made no mistakes. So as much as I'm going to hurt my pride by saying this...Fernie deserved yesterday's win.

Fisi looked a bit subdued on the podium yesterday. I think he knows that Renault is entirely centred around Alonso and making him World Champion again. I wonder if he'll be able to keep his seat at Renault next year...Even more so, I wonder if he wants to.

Michael...*sigh* what can I say? True, all the tifosi should be happy that he leap-frogged Fisi and hence gained a position in the race, but still...I think Michael's bloody perfectionism is rubbing off on a few of us. I was disappointed to see Michael in second...ok, not as disappointed as I would have been if he'd crashed out or whatever...but still...second is just not good enough...Michael's stern expression in the post-race conference expressed my very sentiments.

As for the Mclaren's...quiet race from them...JPM's car getting "beached"...and Kimi...well, his car just didn't seem to have the necessary pace...

All in all, a dominant weekend by Renault. Next...Monaco, the crown jewel in the F1 calendar. Come on Schumi!!! I have faith in you...just not your car...

Feel like jumping off a bridge...I'm so over writing this damn thesis already!!

Arrivederci!

Presentations

2006-05-10T15:27:00.000+08:00

For all those of you who know me pretty well, you'll probably have realized by now that I hate standing up in front of a crowd and saying stuff...Oral presentations just freak me out...they make me feel vulnerable and I feel like I'm just waiting to be picked on...I go all wobbly and my voice and legs start quivering. I don't think that makes for a very nice sight for the audience in question, but anyways...it is a part of some of my uni assessments, and I've found that even when it is optional for me, I choose to put myself through the torture of speaking in public...

Anyhoos, point being, I just got back from uni after giving an oral presentation on my final year engineering project today. And you know what...I actually enjoyed it!! Ok, maybe enjoyed is a bit of a strong word, but I wasn't as paranoid about everything as I usually tend to be at times like these...I have done presentations in the past, but this one was huge!!! I mean...it WAS like only my FINAL YEAR PRESENTATION!!! It started off a bit weirdly though...My USB refused to work on the bloody computer (which also had a broken A: drive...like seriously people, we are supposed to be in the bloody technology sector...The business school has better computers than us in fookin' engineering!!!). One of our judges was nice enough to tell me that if I didn't feel comfortable with the outdated slides, he would wait a bit longer till we got it sorted out though...I troubled quite a few souls today, and all I can say is that I'm really grateful to all those people. I think that incident kind of got my adrenalin pumping furiously though, coz when I started my talk, I was as cool as ice...

Ok, you know what...maybe not as cool!! I stumbled over my words a few times (actually, twice!)...but besides that I was able to maintain eye contact with my audience, my words were not really rushed, and personally I think I did quite alright. I didn't have to resort to drastic measures such as imagining that the audience was naked (which PJ swears works!!), and thank goodness for that, coz honestly, I think it would be a bit disturbing to think of all my lecturers (who PJ again swears have all passed their 100th birthday) without their clothes on.

I think I did good today, and I'm proud of myself for that...Question time didn't go as smoothly coz its always a challenge to answer a question if the question didn't make sense/was unclear to you...but anyways...this is done and over with...I feel relieved as far as I'm concerned...life is good...for the moment at least...

Nurburgring

2006-05-08T01:44:00.000+08:00

Michael won!! WOOHOO!! Once again, in your face Renault!!

Its like 1:44am and my brain is not really fully switched on, but I am just so happy to see the Scuderia making a comeback...Was really good to see Felipe up on the podium too. I'm sure it must have been quite something to stay ahead of Kimi...Felipe is so cute!! He was so happy to be in third, and I think this podium will do a lot of good for his career...He's not been having the easiest time proving his worth at Ferrari, and I think this will be a morale booster, both for him and the team...

As for Michael, what can I say...brilliant drive...there is none better at this game than my beloved Schumi!! Good strategy by Ross Brawn, fantastic pitstops by the boys in red...

Was a good race...for me at least :) But yeah, pity to see Ralf's engine die on him so late in the race...Was fascinating to see Fisi bellowing at Villeneuve after quali yesterday...Alright, that's it, I can't think of anything else...

Bring on Barcelona, I say!!

Until then,
Auf Wiedersehen!

Bitch!!

2006-05-04T19:11:00.000+08:00

I am a bitch, and I hate myself for being one. I am manipulative, offensive and condescending and am a shite friend. All in all, you don't want to know me...

So what brings on this sudden splurge of self-love...?*sarcastic smile to myself* To be honest, I think I know, but telling you is not going to make me feel better, so I'm not going to bother going into it...However, these feelings have been eating away at me for the past couple of weeks. I blame all my behaviour on stress, but having done a fair bit of introspection, I have decided that in reality, no one is more worthy of that title that myself...

You see...I suck as a person...I am vindictive, cold and heartless and I don't think relationships mean enough to me...be it with family, friends or acquaintances, I just can't be bothered making the effort anymore!! On the top of that, I am going out of my way to offend people, to be nasty to them...I am currently doning a "fuck-all" attitude...I AM SELFISH...there...I said it out loud!! I think its a defence mechanism...sort of a "hurt them before they hurt you" kind of thing...I say exactly what I think...and in my case, that is a bad thing...I seem to be "discarding" friends like old newspapers nowadays...How do you know that you won't be in my recycling bin tomorrow?

Trivial things seem to set me off...Things that you say harmlessly are things that I hold onto...I am sensitive to things...maybe overly sensitive to what others say, do and perceive me to be...I can't help it...If you do something nice for me, chances are I won't remember it...Do something bad to me, and I'll never be able to forgive you...Like seriously, what kind of attitude is that??!! I just can't do the full "forgive and forget" thing...then again, I don't think of myself as a good Catholic either...Good Catholic girls do not go around thinking up schemes as to how they can get back at people with added vengeance...Keep in mind that I am not aiming at anyone in particular here...this rant is just a result of my in-built frustration against the world in general...I am sick of it...even more so, I am so sick of myself and stuffing up all the time...I am so tired of being imperfect!!

Relationships I think, are funny things...You can be in one and have the most fantastic time, but throughout it all, be it with relatives, friends, a loved one, or someone you hate, to maintain one takes too much time, too much effort, and in the end, one of the two people involved gets hurt or emotionally scarred...So whats the point in trying huh? I say fuck all!! I guess being alone is a bitch too though...There's nothing worse than silence to get one's pessimistic side aroused...And whats up with the full "you hurt those who love you the most" shite anyways? I can't figure out how that works or why it would...

OK, you know what...I've outdone myself here...I don't know what the fuck I'm going on about...I am going to end here people...This post wasn't put up because I want you'll to say that I am good, that after all this I am not a horrible person...I don't want pity...I am proud, selfish and care about no one else but myself...Seems to sink in a bit better when you write a blog about it...Anyhoos, take care of yourselves...and PJ and Leenz, since you'll are pretty much the only people who visit this crappy blogsite...thanks for everything, especially for putting up with me...

Lifts

2006-05-03T22:43:00.000+08:00

Today, I got stuck in an elevator...for 40 minutes...And you know what, I thought it was fun...or at least something that every single person should experience...Seriously, I wouldn't go as far as saying that one should attempt to get stuck in a lift everyday...but yeah, its definitely something...

"How did you happen to get yourself stuck in an elevator?", I hear you say...well, a friend and I went over to one of those company networking event thingys that was meant to make finding employment in this damn world a bit easier...So we were supposed to have this "office tour" and to do so we had to split up into groups and take the lift to the first floor...Well, we did...and we got stuck just before we reached Floor 1.

Now getting stuck in an elevator is boring, but getting stuck in one with 9 other people is a totally different story. For starters, we were the "electrical engineering group", which means that in our group of 10, the guys:girls ratio was 7:3. Being a girl, I can't really complain. Weirdly enough, a similar ratio applies in all our uni classes, where the ratio is probably 9:1 in favour of the guys...Too much testosterone in engineering I reckon...but then again, I'm not really complaining...

Anyhoos, I don't want to get side-tracked here...Coming back to my lift story...Well, 40 minutes is quite a long while to be stuck in an elevator, especially considering that the security people told us that it would be 15-20 minutes...A couple of things I noticed in those 40 minutes...

1)Elevators have mirrors...and as vain as this may sound, I kept on looking in these...Don't freakin ask me why...not like I was going anywhere!!

2) Next, if you shout out from an elevator, you get an echo back. Thats probably becoz no one thought that you were significant enough to shout back a reply...When someone does reply, that sounds like an echo too...

3) The people I was stuck in the lift with were quite cool...All uni students, 5 of them my classmates...So yeah, good company...Having said that, there were silent periods...I assumed that these silent periods could be used to do a bit of deep thinking, like why are we here? what is our purpose? you know...stuff like that...Well...my mind was blank...Stuff serious life questions man, I was just thinking of what I would write in my blog with regards to this incident.

4)People who are not stuck in an elevator think that its funny that you are...However, having said that in our case, the guys who were outside the lift and had completed their office tour were sweet enough to pass us complimentary Freddo chocolate bars through the tiny crack in the doors. Pity one of them fell down the elevator shaft!! Such a waste!!

5) Lifts which have 10 people breathing the same air can be very claustrophobic...Especially when the fan's not working...Damn dogdy lift if you ask me...

6) The capacity of the lift was 9 people, not 10...oops!! I think we all missed that...Ah wells!! Better luck next time, I guess...

Well, so yeah, thats about it...We all came out safely...A bit shaken (from standing for so damn long!!) and gulping for fresh air, but nevertheless, unharmed...

Gotta love elevators!!

Childhood

2006-04-29T02:03:00.000+08:00

Hello all!!

I'm not really sure as to why I'm up blogging at 2:02am, considering that I have to get my arse out of bed at 6:15am to be on time for my first-aid course at 8:30am, but anyhoos, I was tossing in bed, and was thinking of all things dumb and useless, and then I thought of one of the better periods of my life...my childhood...I'm just reminiscing, so let me just rave on about it yeah...

Firstly, I must tell you...being an only child has its perks!! Ooh...I was so loved and adored by all, and I had soooo many toys...I think when you are a first child, parents are kinda scared that you might not really like them too...and so they bribe you with toys...thats my theory anyways...Well, I'm not complaining, coz I had plenty of them...

Lets see, I had my pink panther whom I totally doted on, until I puked on him...Damn!! I totally isolated the poor thing after that...I refused to touch him...so I got another identical panther...But it just wasn't the same...how I wish I still had them though...Then I had my driving simulator thingy...which is like a dashboard and you had to navigate the car through signals and all...Very cool!! Weirdly enough, my favourite toy was a tea trolley set...don't really know what that says about me...

The only regret I have about my childhood is probably that I didn't enjoy it enough...I think I grew up too fast...I don't remember enough of it to put on paper, except for snippets from here and there...

I remember telling my parents that if they even thought of getting another baby home "I'll throw IT out of the window when you'll are sleeping"...yeah...those were my exact words...I remember being locked alone at home by my mum for the first time when I was 6...damn!! I brought the house down with my crying/yelling...I remember lighting a matchstick for the first time and then freaking out coz I thought I'd burn down the house...I remember dad being worried sick coz I had not come home after school when I was 5 (I had fallen asleep on the last seat of the bus...took a while for the bus driver to find me)...I remember being the teacher's pet, the soldiers stationed outside our house and the cockroach infested ship we had to take to travel from Iraq to Dubai during the Gulf war...I remember mum being totally unimpressed when my grades were not good enough, I remember seeing my first snake in our courtyard...

Things I don't remember, but have heard from family...My second cousin seemingly took me out with him when I got lost in the crowd...Supposedly when he did find me, I denied knowing him!! Hahaha...I think thats so funny!! Mum says that when I was younger and I saw something I wanted in a shop, I wouldn't budge till I got it...she reckons that that habit has still not gone away!!

Besides that...well, I don't remember much...I think its quite sad when all of your childhood can be summarized in one blog post...I think my teenage years sucked and I don't really know what to file my current growth period under...I feel that all that potential that I had when I was a child was just wasted...years just gone by without doing anything worthwhile. I used to be so good at everything...now I just stuff up everything I attempt...I feel depressed now...Great, ain't it?? I'm so over everything at this point in time...I want to be small again...loved and looked after...without worrying about life and what shit it has in store for me tomorrow...

Fuck!! Alright then...I feel like crap now...Goodbye people...I'm so totally over life and all its crap...I don't think life has anything worthwhile to offer me and vice versa...*sigh*...think its time I hit my pillows...time is 2:28am.

Michael e Ferrari, ti amo!!

2006-04-24T02:20:00.000+08:00

Hello my beloved readers!!

I've just seen Michael pass the chequered flag at the San Marino GP today and I'm positively ecstatic!! My boy has won after all this time!!! IN YOUR FACE, FERNANDO!! WOOHOO!!! Am absolutely delighted...I have waited to see my beloved Schumi on the top step of the podium for so long now!! What better place to gratify the tifosi at, than Imola!! Brilliant drive by Michael!! Good work, people in red!! Seriously, I couldn't have asked for a better weekend!!

Was really great seeing Michael surpass the late Aryton Senna's pole position record of 65 yesterday, but today was just so damn good...I cheated and followed the race live via the F1 website, and trust me, I was all prepared to hand over the trophy to Alonso during Michael's second stint...but wow!! did it work out fantastically for us in the end or what??!!! :) Was a good race, and to all you people who are whinging that F1 is boring coz of no overtaking opportunities such as at Imola, shuddup yeah!! I'm glad to see Michael win and I really can't ask for more at the moment...Renault's winning streak has finally been broken in '06!! Three cheers!!

Fernie's untimed second pitstop had a lot of people thinking that he might be able to win the race, but boy! didn't that backfire!! In your face, Pat Symonds!!! And in your face too, Martin Brundle!! I know that you hate Michael, but seriously, if you're gonna be an F1 commentator, the least you can do is try and hide your prejudices!!! Honestly, I know that Ferrari did give their 2nd driver a lot of "team orders" in the past, but Felipe did NOT slow down Fernando on purpose today, so seriously, learn to give credit when and where its due, yeah??

Besides that, well, Jenson, I feel sorry for you my friend...but better luck next time, I guess...I'm just really happy that Michael won today and this was not a farcical race like Indy was either!! We'll probably see Renault come back with added vengeance at Nurburgring (losers!!), but who cares!! I'm just gonna soak up the pure joy that comes from winning!! Looks like I'm gonna be flaunting my Furlahlee cardigan at uni again!! *sigh* I'm in lurve...with red!! :)

Yours truly,
Ferrarista

OCD?

2006-04-19T19:35:00.000+08:00

Hello all!!

I was having a conversation with a friend in the recent past, when she mentioned that she thought that she had OCD...Well, that actually got me thinking...I've always thought that I was a bit different, but now I've come to the conclusion that maybe I can blame it all on OCD...Or maybe, I'm AM just plain weird...you decide...

My reasons for believing that I have obsessive-compulsive disorder:

1) When I was younger, around 7 years old, I had this phase which lasted for quite some time...It was my full "can't-get-feet-dirty-they-must-be-spotless" phase...See...in hindsight, I think that is just abnormal for a 7 year old kid...Like seriously, which kid wants to stay clean??!! NONE!! Me on the other hand had to be different, and so every time my feet got dirty from playing or whatever, I would leave the game halfway through, go wash my feet and come out to play again...Don't think that did favours for my popularity...*sigh* I sure had issues to deal with then!! Not really sure that all of them have gone away now that I've grown up either!!

2) My magic numbers- Right, now this might sound weird to all you normal people out there, but I brush my teeth in 54 strokes...54 strokes while brushing my teeth on the right (inside and outside), 54 on the left...upper and lower jaw...well, you get the idea...You see, 54 is my magic number when it comes to brushing...It can't be 53...or 55 for that matter!!! They just don't feel "right"...I also have another magic number, viz 5...I use it whenever it feels "right"...

3) Cracks- Now whenever I think of this, I think of Monk...you know, the obsessive-compulsive TV detective guy...he has serious problems with road cracks and the like...I don't have as many issues as he does, except when it comes to the pathway between uni and my student housing...You see, this pathway is nice and winding, and its made of cement/concrete...It was nice and smooth until they decided to spoil it by dividing the entire road into "sections"...So now whenever I cross these sections, and I can actually be bothered noticing them, I find that I can't step on them...I actually pace my steps so that I either start my step before the "line" and cross from zone 1 into zone 2, but never step on the forbidden dividing line itself...

After writing this blog, I'm actually contemplating whether I should really publish it or not...Thing is, I spent precious time writing this, but I don't want to be a loner coz people think that I'm weird...Not like too many people visit my blog anyways, but that's not the point...Continue being my friends, ok?? :(

I'm not weird...just different...

Arrivederci!

Why does writing a thesis have to be so difficult?

2006-04-18T17:57:00.000+08:00

Hello all!!

Its amazing as to how my words just flow when I'm blogging, but seem to run headfirst into a brick wall when I try to start writing my thesis...I've been sitting down in front of my computer with the intention of starting on my masterpiece for ages now, but every single time, I run into starting problems...

Like seriously, how do you start writing a damn thesis...? Where do you start? (The intro seems an obvious choice, but its too thought provoking!!). And, do I have to be "in the mood" for writing my thesis? I mean, this is IT...this is my final piece of work which is supposed to prove that I'm a worthy graduate...So, what if all that I'm writing, is in actual fact, just crap!! I haven't started writing it yet, but I really want to, coz with every day that goes by, I feel more and more pressured and I think the time when I start hyperventilating and have frequent panic attacks is not too far off...I'm so scared :(

Besides that, well, self-doubt is creeping in...When I first joined uni, I had all these dreams of achieving fame and grandeur...now I'm afraid that those were only illusions...I feel like I'm lost and trying to find my way home through thick fog, not knowing when I'm going fall into a crevice and die...Am being a bit melodramatic, but hell, I don't care!!

Anyhoos, coming back to my thesis, I've satisfied myself so far by opening up a new Word document and setting my page margins, paragraph justification and line spacing...But that first word is still reluctant to be put on paper...

*sigh* I really, really want to do this right...I just don't know how or where to begin...

Hopefully all this rambling on will help me get a deeper insight into getting this document done and over with...Wish me luck!! I think I'm gonna need heaps of it!! Say a small prayer for me while you're at it...I've already said one for myself...

Ciao!

Some Things I Hate About You

2006-04-15T12:41:00.000+08:00

Hello folks!

As the title of this blog suggests, this is gonna be about me bitching about a few of the things that I hate about YOU!! Well, actually its not really "you" per se...I'm just gonna go on about the things that other people do that really peeve me off...

1) Latecomers- This is first on my list for a reason...I HATE people who come late!!! Its alright with me if you are a max. of 10 mins late...I don't care for your reasons...you were completely stoned...your alarm didn't go off...your mum just asked you to be her maid-of-honour at her 5th wedding and you were completely stunned (btw, if she's gone by 3, you shouldn't really be surprised anymore)...but yeah, whatever!! Save it!! I don't give a damn! When you cross over that sacred 10 min mark, two things happen...first of all, I stop waiting for you...second of all, I leave hating you with a vengeance, at least until you apologize and grovel at my feet, or do something exceedingly nice for me. If I can be bothered meeting up with you, you'd better have the damn decency to be there on time!

2) Attitude from people in Hospitality/Customer Service- People in this sector!! Seriously, you'll get paid to be nice to other people...Even if you'll are having a day from hell, you'll are supposed to smile and politely ask "Can I help you?" or whatever it is you'll usually ask...WITH a damn smile!! I don't need shitty, disdainful, condescending attitude from you!! I can get all that from almost every other older person on the street...

3) Grannies who get together every single evening for daily discussions on how to effectively destroy other people's households with rumours of infidelity and the like...Like seriously, you'd think that these were nice, old, pious women, but damn!! when you hear stuff like "Ai! Did you hear??? Ravi is having an affair with Sushma and seemingly she is going to have his child soon...his poor, poor wife...I must let her know", or a similar story involving other unfortunate characters (while just stopping to say "Hello aunty" out of respect), and the next morning you hear the same story exaggerated 10,000 times via other grannies, it is seriously unnerving and definitely deserves a mention on this list.

4) Picture this...you are stuck in one of those mofo bumper-to-bumper traffic jams and are already annoyed coz you're gonna be late for that appointment with Mark or whoever (who probably doesn't freakin turn up anyways!!), and then you have this bloody psycho driver who goes ballistic with tooting his car horn!!! Like seriously!!!! Are we retarded enough to just sit there and think "Oh yeah, today I feel like blocking traffic on purpose"?? I DON'T THINK SO!!! What does he expect us to do?? Fly??

The fact that this is a really short list just reinforces the fact that I'm a really nice person who is generally content with life and just overlooks its many faults and failings...Any of you'll who disagree with the "me being nice" bit, leave comments, yeah? :)

Imola, Michael, Rubens and Ide

2006-04-11T15:21:00.000+08:00

Technically, we have around 12 days before we go to Imola for the next GP, but since I literally live for F1, I couldn't resist blogging yet again...

For all you wonderful people out there who have been visiting my blog, thank you...and I think you'll will be very thrilled to know that I'm done with posting blogs/bragging about my Melbourne GP weekend (I have been flaunting the fact via other means such as wearing my Ferrari cardigan to uni, and why not!! I might as well live it up!! Must add that I got very good responses...)

Right...so coming back to Imola...Firstly, I like Imola very very much...It is a very close toss-up for me between which GP I like better-Imola or Monza...Both circuits are fantastic and challenging, and the Italian passion at both races makes it heaven for a Ferrarista like myself...Last year's San Marino GP gave the tifosi a glimmer of hope in what was otherwise a season of famine (even though I am devoted to Ferrari, I do not consider the win at Indy to be anything more than a farce...it was positively unsettling actually!!)...I am seriously praying that the Bahrain podium isn't going to be our only pride and joy for this year though...

Also, rumours are floating around that Schumi might be staying for at least another year at Ferrari...In all honesty, I would love Michael to stay on...He is physically fit at 37 and he still hungers for wins as much as he did in his earlier years...Despite being a 7 time World Champion, I think the desire to dominate is still very much there...Only now, he has to contend with younger blood in the forms of Fernando and Kimi, which in someone like Michael probably inspires more motivation than fear...I hope he stays on, but only time will tell, I guess...

A couple of other things...I wish that people would just leave Rubens and Ide alone for a bit...Both of them are definitely struggling in their new teams, but seriously people, give them a break!! Give them a bit more time to get settled into their teams and get a feel of the new car and its settings...Instead of being so harsh on them, provide a bit more support, yeah??!!

So Melbourne's a part of my history...now what??!!

2006-04-10T15:42:00.000+08:00

Hello to all you wonderful folks again!!

Am just trying to wrap up my account of the Melbourne GP, so I thought I'd just put down a couple of my very random views on life post-Melbourne...

1) I wanna go back to Melbourne...like seriously...I do!!! F1 or not, it seems so much more inviting than Perth...Am bogged down with uni and assignments at the moment and none of them are doing any favours for my enthusiasm or motivation levels...Besides that, I've been snapping at everybody and have not really been a happy camper since I got back...I wanna go back to Melbourne!!

2) I am such a fanatic of Formula One that although I went in person for the Melbourne GP, I actually got one of my aunt's to record the entire coverage of Channel Ten, so that I wouldn't miss a moment of the F1 weekend...Was damn pissed off though when I saw that Ralf had actually been to the Essendon vs. Sydney AFL game (WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GO TO THAT DAMN GAME!!! In fact, we hadn't really heard about it until we were returning from the track on the tram and then we were thinking..."Oh yeah, we should have gone to see Essendon play...Ah wells!!") DAMN!!! What were we doing???? How did we miss that???!! *sigh* Am damn cheezed off!!

3) I was watching the aforementioned video re-run of the post-race conference yesterday and I loved the bit right at the start of the conference where the journalist was introducing the drivers

"...Ralf Schumacher from Toyota, Kimi Raikkonen from Team Mclaren Mercedes and getting his "first" win for Renault this season...Fernando Alonso from Renault..."

At this point Kimi turned to face Fernando who returned his gaze and both had these huge beaming smiles on their faces...Nothing was said between the two title contenders, but I can so imagine what they were thinking...

Kimi (smiling): "First??? Wasn't it your second, man?? So wish it wasn't, but still, it sure ain't your first win in 2006...He's got it soooo wrong!!"

Fernando (returning Kimi's smile): "He's got it soooo wrong!! It is my second one dammit...can see that you've realized that too Kimi...good work!!"

That little exchange was nice to see...Kimi is not as rigid as I initially assumed him to be...

4) Life goes on...Melbourne is done and over with...Hopefully this was just the start of a series of GP's that I will be attending in the future...Looking forward to it!! In the meantime, I shall satisfy myself with the fact that Imola is two weeks away (I'm suffering from severe withdrawl symptoms already!!) and that I have my final year project and 1000 other stress initiators to keep me company until then...

More Melbourne pics (Part 3 of 3)

2006-04-10T13:24:00.000+08:00

Fernando Alonso during qualifying on Saturday...P1 eluded him...

Michael on the grid before the formation lap

Ralf on the grid on raceday

Ralf on the grid looking totally adorable and focused...getting ready for the formation lap

More Melbourne Pics (Part 2 of 3)

2006-04-10T13:18:00.000+08:00

Michael's first and only pitstop on raceday...he retired on lap 33...very disappointing for me...

The spectacular demise of Jenson's Honda engine left the poor bugger to take that very long walk back to the pits on the final lap...around 20 metres from the finish line...he looked so incensed in the post-race interview, and with good reason...

PJ, Leenz and myself on the track, in front of the podium, post-race...Next time we need to be on the other side of the fence...

Close-up shot of the nosecone of a Toyota F1 car...Taken during the pit-straight walk on Saturday morning, I think...Horrendous weather that morning...left us all really sulky and cranky

More Melbourne Pics (Part 1 of 3)

2006-04-10T13:17:00.000+08:00

Hello all!!

Thought I'd upload a few more pics from my GP experience...So for your viewing pleasure, I present...

Fernando Alonso during the driver's parade...I think Fernie is a really nice guy and all, and a damn good driver but for some reason he wasn't very accomodating to his fans at this time...

On the other hand, Rubens was more than willing to spread the love with his infectious smile...I like Rubens...Fingers crossed, I hope he does reasonably well at Honda this year...

Juan Pablo on the starting grid on raceday...He was looking quite calm and ready before the race...was stretching out and chatting to his team personnel for a bit...even got a pat on the back from Norbert Haug...pity the race didn't end as well for him as he and Mclaren might have wanted it to...

Kimi Raikkonen...I must say I'm kind of warming up a bit towards the boy...I'm a bit biased against him coz he has always given Michael so much trouble in the Championship, but he is a very very good driver (the fact that he is good looking doesn't hurt either!!). Here he is on the grid just before the commencement of the formation lap.

Melbourne GP Weekend- Qualifying and Raceday

2006-04-06T21:49:00.000+08:00

I have got soooo much work to do, its not funny anymore...But anyways, some things take priority over others and so I shall put up this blog first and then endeavour to attend to other matters that demand my attention...

So right...where were we...? Oh yeah...my account of qualifying and raceday.

Saturday, 1st of April 2006

Actually, you'll all know how qualifying went and as far as I'm concerned there was nothing really exceptional about it. Although I must say, I was quite stunned that Jenson took pole. I had just assumed that we'd be seeing Fernie or Kimi on pole (yet again!) and so Jenson was a bit of a surprise...A lot of people were positively gleeful that Michael didn't make the cut for the final 10 contenders, and to be honest, that didn't really shock me all that much...As much as I love my team, I don't think they are quite up to the pace of the damn Renaults or Mclarens at the moment. So yeah, that was basically quali, and my memory is a bit hazy as to what we did for the remainder of the day, so really, it can't have been too important...

Sunday, 2nd of April 2006

Anyhoos, coming to raceday itself, I must mention that the atmosphere at Albert Park was absolutely electric. Lots and lots of F1 fans and it warmed me to the core to see such passion for a sport that I love. I'm not going to bother going into the details of the race itself, but below is a list of the few things that left an indelible imprint on my memory-

1) Driver's photo-shoot/ driver's parade- Now this is where desperate fans like us hope to catch a 5 second glimpse of their heroes and shout loud enough so that they actually turn and wave...I must say that I was totally smitten by Ralf throughout this entire period and my video footage is testimony to this...For a while at least, in my mind, even Michael was overshadowed by the presence of his younger brother...Ralf...very cute...very sexy...totally adorable...
Moving right along, besides Ralf, we got pretty good pics of Kimi waving (he was like right in front of us) and a few of the other drivers too...

2) Start of the race- There is NOTHING like hearing the sound of 22 Formula One V8 engines go VROOM all at once!!!! And I mean NOTHING!! Beautiful sound, although I think I may be suffering from permanent hearing damage as a result of that...Well worth it though!! Very, very wicked!! Just watching the "lights-going-out" sequence had me holding my breath and got my adrenalin pumping...And when the cars did take off...whoa!! nothing can describe the anxiety you feel as you hope that your idol makes it through the first corner safely.

3) Michael's shunt on lap 33- Ok now...this was not as bad for me as I thought it would be. I could see that Michael was struggling and although I have full faith in Michael's driving abilities, I was a bit skeptical that the red machine was doing its bit...However, it was really disappointing for me to see Michael go out of the race like that...I do think that it was Michael's fault in that instance though, but I suppose that my consolation came in the fact that he chose to crash out only a few metres away from me, and so I have pretty good footage of him getting back to the pits.

4) JPM stopping his Mclaren right in front of us was again, a bit unexpected, but was received by me with relief and a little joy...at least Mclaren would miss out on a few Constructor's points a result of that.

5) Jenson's engine failure on the last lap- In my opinion, Jenson can be a bit of a prick at times (I was totally unimpressed with his indecision about whether he wanted to stay with BAR or move to Williams), but I must say...my heart went out to the poor bugger...I had seen something like this in 1998 or 1999 when Mika Hakkinen's Mclaren gave up on him on the last lap and Michael happily took the spoils of victory, and then, to be quite honest, I was completely ecstatic. However, even Mika wasn't THAT close to the finish line...Like seriously, Jenson could have put out the fire which was devouring his car and pushed it all the way past the chequered flag...he was so damn close...he must have been so incensed after that and I can totally empathise with him...

All in all, it was a fantastic race...We had great seats, were right in the thick of the action and the atmosphere in Albert Park was absolutely mind-blowing, so every cent that we paid for those damn tickets was extremely worth it...I wasn't too displeased with the podium either coz I got to oggle at Ralf for a bit and I don't really mind Fernie...I do have this inexplicable thing against Kimi (I think he's hot and all, but I can't bring myself to like him...I think he's too emotionally detached from the sport), but nevertheless, if there was anyone who deserved that podium finish, it was Kimi.

We didn't really do much after the race...just went back to our dodgy hotel and packed up all our stuff to return home. I hated that bit, coz in the few days that I was in Melbourne, I had fallen in love with the place...If I couldn't stay there, I wanted to go on to Imola with the F1 circus, but definitely not return to Perth...

Now, I'm sad and resentful and am desperately trying to hold on to my memories of that glorious weekend (good luck to me...holding on to my memories is like holding on to sand in my palm...damn!!)...which will inevitably fade with age and time...damn...could I not be so damn pessimistic!!

*sigh* so that's it then I guess...my account of the Melbourne GP is done and over with...Will post up some of my pics soon...

But yeah, if any of you'll out there are contemplating going to a Formula One race, I can only say one thing to you..."GO!!!" Don't miss out on an opportunity of a lifetime...it is seriously well worth it...

Arrivederci!

Melbourne GP Weekend- 30th March and 31st March 2006

2006-04-06T12:15:00.000+08:00

Alrighty people, since I can't seem to get my head around doing my uni work (which I seriously have to start on soon...*I love procastinating!!*), I shall go into a narrative of my first ever GP...namely the Melbourne GP 2006...

So where should I start...

Thursday, 30th of March 2006

Well, I hardly slept much the previous night...I was so enthused and pumped for the F1 experience that lay at the horizon. I left Perth at 8am which wasn't too bad and reached Melbourne at 14:30 to catch up with two of my friends Leenz, and PJ (who came down for the GP all the way from Singapore)...Our hotel was a bit dodgy (esp. the toilet which had serious flushing problems), but such things seemed minor at the time. Melbourne itself was alive with the F1 vibe drifting everywhere...Fans decked out in their team's merchandise, souvenir shops bursting with people, posters promoting the race and F1 fever in general was everywhere...a true paradise for someone like myself. Have never experienced anything like it before...Usually, its a "Oh, you are an F1 fan? Isn't that like cars just going around in circles??" Damn...some people just don't get it!!

Had a real good time that day...Was my first time in Melbourne and I really loved the place. The F1 Official Program said that there wasn't much F1 stuff happening on track that day (seemingly they were wrong, coz some of the F1 drivers, such as Ralf Schumacher were giving autographs...Leenz was so pissed!!), so we didn't go to track but went about Melbourne city. Then in the evening, on our way back to the hotel, Leenz caught a glimpse of something happening down at the Hugo Boss store on Collins Street and so we went along coz Hugo are the official sponsors of Team Mclaren Mercedes and we were kind of hoping to catch Kimi Raikkonen there too...Turns out that Kimi wasn't there, but David Coulthard was!!! I dunno what the hell he was doing there!! True he's like an ex-Mclaren driver and all, but you hardly think that he would be there at an event like that, instead of Kimi or Juan who are current drivers for the team...It was good though...He gave an interview or two and I swear that I saw him applying lip balm...totally unexpected!! After that he just casually walked down the street with his girlfriend Karen Minier...shocking, probably coz I've always thought that F1 drivers were just not completely ordinary people...A limousine pulling up in front of the store would have suited my imagination a bit better...

I think after all that excitement with Hugo Boss and DC, we headed out to St. Kilda for a nice dinner and an even nicer glass of champagne...

Friday, 31st of March 2006

Was really looking forward to this day as it would be the first time I'd see an F1 car. We went out to the practice sessions...OMG!! I loved the cars and their associated V8 sounds made me feel warm and fuzzy...There is nothing like seeing an F1 car in person...TV images don't do them enough justice...the damn things are so fast that I caught only blurs of the cars on camera...Even on videocam, you can just see them whizzing past...So cool though hey!!

The key moment for me in the entire day was in the first practice session when Michael came out for a lap. I cannot describe the emotions I felt then. My heart was seriously pounding as he came down the main straight and passed by us (we were in the Fangio grandstand right in front of the team pits and the start-finish line). I'll be honest with you...I love Michael a lot...I don't think he's cute or anything...(Kimi and Ralf are more serious contenders in that category), but I think he's looking fantastic at 37 and that he is a fantastic driver...I've seen him drive in the crappy Ferrari's of the late 90's when his car would break down every other race...I've seen him drive in conditions which have earned him the title "Reinmeister"...I have seen him lose the World Championship in 1997, 1998 and 1999 and boy! didn't those hurt!!! Anyhoos, to see him drive in the flesh was a surreal moment for me...It rekindled all my admiration and awe for the man...I am a true Ferrarista or whatever it is you call Schumi fans...

After the practice sessions, Leenz, Pam and me went totally wild buying merchandise...I spent such a lot of money that day!! Damn!!

Another observation I made at the race track was that there were soooo many people, even though it was only practice...and that most of them were decked out in Ferrari gear :)

For an in-depth breakdown of our activities/more first-hand accounts of the GP, visit pjlifesucks.blogspot.com and blogabtnothing.blogspot.com

My F1 background

2006-04-06T11:54:00.000+08:00

For someone who claims to be an F1 fanatic for 8 years now (namely, me!), it sure has taken me a while to go to my first Grand Prix...

See, this is the way it goes...When I was 13, I used to live in Kuwait...I stumbled across F1 by accident really...I was bored and flipping through channels and I saw this car, a really fast one zip past on telly...Curiosity got a hold on me and I lingered on...After sitting through the remainder of what happened to be a Formula One race, I decided that I liked the car in red and that I didn't quite mind that bloke named Michael. After that, well...following races became a necessity for me...I used to get up at unearthly hours, cheer Ferrari with unprecedented passion and seriously pray that Michael and his then crappy Ferrari would last the race in question.

At that time, all the races were held everywhere except the Middle East...so I just resigned myself to watching F1 at home, like everyone else I knew at the time...I joined Michael Schumacher's Official Australian Fan Club (the damn thing decided to close half way through my membership!!) and followed Ferrari's progress via the internet which was still in its infancy.

Anyhoos, years later, what do you know...I come to Australia to study, and the FIA decides that its the perfect time to bring a little bit of entertainment to the Middle East, and so they brought F1 to Bahrain...Since fate was against me, I decided that the only way I would ever be able to do this right, would be to go to Melbourne (not a very enticing prospect, coz my beloved Ferrari don't really have a scintillating track record at Albert Park!)...but yeah...it was either go to Melbourne and see Michael before he retires, or don't bother and regret the fact for the rest of my life...So yeah, I decided to go...a minor question of financing still remained though...

Being a student, I'm always poor, and so my beloved parents stepped in to help me fulfill a dream...Between them, they paid for my Grandstand tickets, accomodation, flights and shopping/other expenses...I am very grateful to them for that...Love ya folks!!

And now, finally, after all this time, I got the chance to go to a GP...I started my countdown six months ago...and on the 30th of March 2006, I was off to my first ever Formula One Grand Prix!!

Intro

2006-04-06T11:34:00.000+08:00

Hello all!

Right, first of all, I'm CQ and this is my first ever blog, so please excuse any errors or cardinal sins of blogging that I may commit during my time in cyberspace. I had been "planning" to publish this blog for ages but didn't get to doing it until now coz I was just too busy being lazy...However, I have finally decided that it was time that got off my backside and did something "productive", so instead of doing my 1001 uni assignments which are due next week, I shall blog instead...(I love blogging already...allows me to rant and rave on like a lunatic!!)...

Anyhoos people, I shall leave it at that but will have my first post up soon...its gonna be about my trip to the Melbourne GP, so keep an eye out for that...

Forza Ferrari!