Yeh, woteva!

I am stuck in "Yeh, woteva" mode. And I've been stuck for a while now. 2 weeks to be precise.

I lack the motivation to do anything. And I mean "anything"! Waking up in the mornings/afternoons/evenings is such a hassle. Feel like I've been hit by a truck! I don't want to eat/work on my assignments/talk to anyone/do anything that involves me waking up. I mean seriously, what's the point anyways?

If you wake up, you have things to do. Things which will amount to nothing in the end. Things which will make you feel dumb, like that assignment you worked your arse off for and ended up with a mark which was measly compared to the rest. Things which will make you feel stupid, such as not being able to reverse park properly in your driving lesson. Things which will make you freak out, such as everyone studying and you stressing coz you are not motivated to do the stoopid assignment (which you will do miserably in anyways!). Things which will make you feel miserable, such as knowing that in all likelihood you will be spending Christmas alone this year. Things which will make you feel depressed, such as knowing that the people you consider important in your life in all probability do not feel the same way about you. Of course, this is a "hypothetical" situation and has no implications on my life whatsoever. As far as I'm concerned the person in question has serious issues to deal with and is in need of immediate therapy.

I went to the Llama bar last night, in an attempt to lift myself out of my trance. My original intention was to get drunk, but that didn't quite happen. I had 2 ciggies, a strawberry martini and a Mojito (wonderful creation of white rum, lime and mint) and was as sober as Bambi when off dope. Didn't think there was much use spending more money on alcohol as that didn't do anything whatsoever for me, so I didn't bother drinking any more. I must stress, I did have a really good time. For those 3 hours, with people around me, with music pumping loud, I forgot a fair bit, and I think that was fantastic.

Was a bit alarmed after I got home though. As my head hit the pillow, there was a constant ringing sound in my ears. Very much like the dial tone on a dead telephone line. When I sat up in bed, it disappeared. When I lay down again, it re-appeared. Weird, but I slept anyways. Woke up today morning feeling mildly drowsy. And was questioning myself as to what idiot, if married to Kimi Raikkonen would cheat on him, even though the other guy in question was pretty damn charming...? My wonderful dream broken half-way through and the idiot in question being me. If only there was a way to catch up where you left off in la-la land...

Was supposed to go to the Ruby Room tonight. Have changed my mind. Am going to stay at home and eat Mee Goreng and watch telly. I have a 35% assignment due on Monday, but I can't be bothered. I am no quitter, but I have to ask...what's the point in being bloody perfect? What's the point in motivating yourself when there's nothing to look forward to, nothing that is going to make you happy?

I feel screwed. Don't really think it matters though. After all, nothing REALLY matters.

NB. I DID go to the Ruby Room last night. Clubbing was a first for me and must say, I absolutely loved it!! Can't wait to do it again!