Hello, my name is CQ and I need help...You see, I'm totally obsessed with Formula One and Ferrari...As I said before, I need help...

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Domestic Goddess?? NOT!!

Hello my beloved readers!

I have noticed that you'll have dwindled down now (not like I had many of you'll to start with!) but anyhoos...I feel like blogging, so whether there's anyone to read or not, I shall carry on with my stuff...

I have just finished reading "The Undomestic Goddess" by Sophie Kinsella and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Probably because I could relate to Ms. Samantha Sweeting so much...High profile lawyer who can't cook or clean...Very much like me...However, in her case, the bitch managed to whip up foie gras in the end...As for me, I don't have much hope.

All of you who know me, lets admit it...I can't keep a room clean for long without cluttering it up and I'm no Nigella Lawson. Let's just leave aside the cleaning bit for now coz that is just too damn depressing to write about...lets move on to cooking instead...not like that provides me with much solace either. If Jamie Oliver is Dr. Jekyll, then I am his evil-counterpart- Mr. Hyde when it comes to cooking. I can't cook. That is a non-negotiable fact and it bites. So, lets see...what exactly can't I do in the kitchen? Actually it would probably be easier to mention what I can do (yeah...the list is damn short!).


1) I can clean up after someone else has done the cooking.
2) I can cook anything that involves removing the plastic film and chucking it into an oven or microwave.
3) Get one of those ready-made curry paste thingy's and then invent my own lethal recipe with it.
4) I can do a few simple things...such as cook beef in a mushroom sauce, make zucchini-mushroom stir-fry (Leenz said that it was good, and I am willing to take her word for it...any praise I get, I shall grab and cling onto, thank you v. muchly!)

WHAT I CANNOT DO IN THE KITCHEN (even if my life depended on it!)

1) Cook rice! (Thankfully Leenz has now mastered the art, sparing me of the humiliation of admitting this to anyone else)
2) Toast bread (The toaster doesn't like me...keeps on burning the shit out of all that I put in it)
3) Anything to do with fish (The last time I tried cooking fish which was 6 months or a year ago, it turned out horribly! It was that bad that I haven't tried cooking fresh fish since then! I am just going to stick to Birds Eye Ready-made Fish Fillets, thank you)
4) Anything that involves making curries, or putting in more than 3 ingredients or takes more than 15 minutes to cook
5) I can't bake (The last time I tried a cake for Christmas, the damn thing sank to the bottom of the baking tin. Turns out I didn't add baking soda. They said the flour was self-raising and I thought it would suffice dammit!)
6) If it is not covered in my "WHAT I CAN DO IN THE KITCHEN" list, tough luck!

It is just too difficult to cook dammit! Too many damn ingredients and time frames to remember. I have come to the conclusion that it is better to starve than go through all that trouble to cook. That's why they've marketed thingy's like frozen lasagne and chips and ready-to-go meals...to keep people like me (who don't have a single hope of becoming a domestic goddess) content.

*sigh* Quite sad, huh? I know!