Pissed!

ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: This is a rant, and it is going to be filled with expletives...If your eyes are innocent and you don't want to be corrupted by my language, do not proceed any further.

Ok, I am really pissed off at the moment. And its not in a nice, had-too-much-alcohol kind of way either. It is a "I-am-pissed-and-frustrated-and-if-I-could-I-would-strangle-you" kind of thing. Seriously, I hate all the administrative departments at my uni!! They have fucked up so much of my shit in previous years, but this time they have outdone their own incompetency!!

Get this...Yesterday, my beloved Student Services throws me a surprise and tell me "Oh, I'm sorry to inform you that you won't be able to graduate this semester after all, coz you are 25 credits short of the required 800 credits". Needless to say, I thought she was joking first, then I was like "What the fuck?" and then I started quivering coz they were fucking serious. Went through my virtually non-existent paperwork and my most recent enrolment advice which was deemed to be insignificant enough and had equations written all over it, and I found out that my tears were fucking wasted coz what do you know...I actually do complete 800 creds by the end of this sem. So today, I went marching in to uni to get this sorted out, but before I did that, I met up with J. She has always been good to me and when I told her about my problem she was really sympathetic and put a call to Student Services. Seriously, that place is inhabited by bitches! Get this...I'm actually enrolled in 5 units this semester...but what do you know...FUCKED UP STUDENT SERVICES DECIDE TO PLAY PSYCHIC AND HAVE ACTUALLY WITHDRAWN ME FROM A UNIT WITHOUT MY REQUEST OR CONSENT!! They said that I had handed in paperwork to withdraw from my unit. Like seriously, do you think I am that fucked up, to pay $2000, turn up to classes and hand in assignments if I am not doing the fucking unit???!!!! If I withdrew from the unit, how come you'll don't have the paperwork to prove it, how come I didn't get a letter from the university saying that "Dear Ms. Q, you have a credit of $2000 in your account and we will be making a cheque out to you shortly"?? I have had it with them!! Seriously, if you'll can't handle the bloody computer database properly, I will donate a pen and notepad to you'll to take notes properly. 10 bucks, even that will be stuffed up by you'll!!

I am so cheezed off...frustrated with the incompetency of these people. The bitch actually said that it was my responsibility to check that I was enrolled correctly...NEWSFLASH: I DID!! It was right on the first day of sem...I am not a loser to go and fucking check the system every day to make sure that you'll haven't screwed up. I am a student...doesn't mean that you'll should fucking red-tag me and give me shit...

This is not the first time that this has happened either...I've had to change my enrolment (mostly without fault of mine) almost every semester. Now to resolve this latest crisis, they've asked me to write letters to higher authorities to get this sorted out. I don't need this shit people!! I have other things to be concerned with. Ultimately it seems that I might be able to graduate this semester after all...but it might be only with 775 creds. Thats cool, but tell me something...will you'll refund my money, or will you'll reimburse me for the time and effort being spent thinking about this shit? I don't think so...fuckers!!

I am seriously pissed off...Can you tell??

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DISCLAIMER:
This blog is more of a "need-to-clear-my-mind" kind of thing, so please do not feel obliged to read this...I know you'll are good friends of mine, but 10 bucks says that you'll will die of boredom if you do read this. I do not want to be held liable for any such unfortunate consequence.

You've been warned...

They say that home is where the heart is. I dunno. Maybe. That would mean that in my case I have two homes then...one, my student dorm in Perth, and the other, my soon to be demolished flat in Kuwait.

At the moment, I stand at the edge, overlooking a sea of uncertainty. I might be able to stay in Australia after my UG degree, or I might have to go back. Will I get a job in Australia? If not, what do I do? Do I go ahead with a Master's degree or have I had enough already? Will I really graduate this semester or is that asking for too much? Those are the questions confronting me at the moment, and I am totally pissed off at the presence of so many unknowns.

"These are exciting times" says someone whom I hold close to my heart and he says it with so much enthusiasm and conviction that I almost believe him. The more I think of it, the more I realize that THIS IS NO BIG DEAL. In my very own fairytale, I graduate this semester, I get my PR soon after, I secure this fantastic job and everything's bliss...I live happily ever after. However, in my not so perfect world, all this could go horribly wrong.

Firstly, I NEED to pass this sem. Secondly, I've been applying for jobs and with every rejection letter I receive (I've gotten three so far!), I feel like someone is smacking the shit out of me. Its like I've gone through 4 years of this degree putting myself through stress and pain and its not even worth it. Well, yeah...pretty depressing for me.

Next, my PR. I've gotten mixed reviews on whether I can stay here in Australia or not. I am meeting a migration agent tomorrow and he is going to give me my final verdict...whether I can stay here and have a stab at a better life, or if I have to go back to Kuwait and forever be a second class citizen. If I have to go back to Kuwait, sure...I'll go back. Rather, I will HAVE to. PROS: I'll have my family with me, no more dinner dilemmas (should I have instant noodles tonight...again??!!), I might even get myself a good job with a hefty paycheck, and I will not have to spend a fortune on dates (the edible type) and petrol (when I learn to drive!). CONS: I actually liked Perth. I love the freedom I have here...to swear and drink and do my own grocery shopping. I guess those are the things that I'll miss the most (besides the trees in Perth), but I'll get over it. I will miss my friends in this part of the world a lot, but thats why email and mobile phones were invented. I will miss Sepang '07, which was supposed to be PJ's, Leenz' and my annual trip, and that will be something that I will be bitter about and resent for a very long time.

My conclusion: Life is filled with trade-offs. I have been very fortunate to study overseas and for me being in Australia has been a joyride. Who knows, if I'm really really desperate, I might decide to put myself through another year of self-inflicted torture and do a Masters Degree. Kuwait...well, I miss my dysfunctional family horribly. I miss mum, ice-creams with dad, fighting with Josh and bullying Jeremiah (with the aid of Josh, of course!) I feel like I'm missing out on so much...my folks getting older and the boys entering adolescence. And I hate that feeling...I hate being left out.

As can be seen from this blog, I'm a thinker...or a worrier...take your pick. We'll settle for "thinker"...it sounds flashier and deep. Its just that I hate uncertainty...I like organization, be it for my day, or for my life. I have to know whats next in store for me...Anyhoos, since that's not happening, this is what I seriously "think"...whatever has to happen will happen. I am 21...I should be enjoying life, not thinking about it. Thats what I intend to do...Live in the moment, for the moment. Stuff tomorrow! I might not even be alive!