Bitch!!

I am a bitch, and I hate myself for being one. I am manipulative, offensive and condescending and am a shite friend. All in all, you don't want to know me...

So what brings on this sudden splurge of self-love...?*sarcastic smile to myself* To be honest, I think I know, but telling you is not going to make me feel better, so I'm not going to bother going into it...However, these feelings have been eating away at me for the past couple of weeks. I blame all my behaviour on stress, but having done a fair bit of introspection, I have decided that in reality, no one is more worthy of that title that myself...

You see...I suck as a person...I am vindictive, cold and heartless and I don't think relationships mean enough to me...be it with family, friends or acquaintances, I just can't be bothered making the effort anymore!! On the top of that, I am going out of my way to offend people, to be nasty to them...I am currently doning a "fuck-all" attitude...I AM SELFISH...there...I said it out loud!! I think its a defence mechanism...sort of a "hurt them before they hurt you" kind of thing...I say exactly what I think...and in my case, that is a bad thing...I seem to be "discarding" friends like old newspapers nowadays...How do you know that you won't be in my recycling bin tomorrow?

Trivial things seem to set me off...Things that you say harmlessly are things that I hold onto...I am sensitive to things...maybe overly sensitive to what others say, do and perceive me to be...I can't help it...If you do something nice for me, chances are I won't remember it...Do something bad to me, and I'll never be able to forgive you...Like seriously, what kind of attitude is that??!! I just can't do the full "forgive and forget" thing...then again, I don't think of myself as a good Catholic either...Good Catholic girls do not go around thinking up schemes as to how they can get back at people with added vengeance...Keep in mind that I am not aiming at anyone in particular here...this rant is just a result of my in-built frustration against the world in general...I am sick of it...even more so, I am so sick of myself and stuffing up all the time...I am so tired of being imperfect!!

Relationships I think, are funny things...You can be in one and have the most fantastic time, but throughout it all, be it with relatives, friends, a loved one, or someone you hate, to maintain one takes too much time, too much effort, and in the end, one of the two people involved gets hurt or emotionally scarred...So whats the point in trying huh? I say fuck all!! I guess being alone is a bitch too though...There's nothing worse than silence to get one's pessimistic side aroused...And whats up with the full "you hurt those who love you the most" shite anyways? I can't figure out how that works or why it would...

OK, you know what...I've outdone myself here...I don't know what the fuck I'm going on about...I am going to end here people...This post wasn't put up because I want you'll to say that I am good, that after all this I am not a horrible person...I don't want pity...I am proud, selfish and care about no one else but myself...Seems to sink in a bit better when you write a blog about it...Anyhoos, take care of yourselves...and PJ and Leenz, since you'll are pretty much the only people who visit this crappy blogsite...thanks for everything, especially for putting up with me...

Lifts

Today, I got stuck in an elevator...for 40 minutes...And you know what, I thought it was fun...or at least something that every single person should experience...Seriously, I wouldn't go as far as saying that one should attempt to get stuck in a lift everyday...but yeah, its definitely something...

"How did you happen to get yourself stuck in an elevator?", I hear you say...well, a friend and I went over to one of those company networking event thingys that was meant to make finding employment in this damn world a bit easier...So we were supposed to have this "office tour" and to do so we had to split up into groups and take the lift to the first floor...Well, we did...and we got stuck just before we reached Floor 1.

Now getting stuck in an elevator is boring, but getting stuck in one with 9 other people is a totally different story. For starters, we were the "electrical engineering group", which means that in our group of 10, the guys:girls ratio was 7:3. Being a girl, I can't really complain. Weirdly enough, a similar ratio applies in all our uni classes, where the ratio is probably 9:1 in favour of the guys...Too much testosterone in engineering I reckon...but then again, I'm not really complaining...

Anyhoos, I don't want to get side-tracked here...Coming back to my lift story...Well, 40 minutes is quite a long while to be stuck in an elevator, especially considering that the security people told us that it would be 15-20 minutes...A couple of things I noticed in those 40 minutes...

1)Elevators have mirrors...and as vain as this may sound, I kept on looking in these...Don't freakin ask me why...not like I was going anywhere!!

2) Next, if you shout out from an elevator, you get an echo back. Thats probably becoz no one thought that you were significant enough to shout back a reply...When someone does reply, that sounds like an echo too...

3) The people I was stuck in the lift with were quite cool...All uni students, 5 of them my classmates...So yeah, good company...Having said that, there were silent periods...I assumed that these silent periods could be used to do a bit of deep thinking, like why are we here? what is our purpose? you know...stuff like that...Well...my mind was blank...Stuff serious life questions man, I was just thinking of what I would write in my blog with regards to this incident.

4)People who are not stuck in an elevator think that its funny that you are...However, having said that in our case, the guys who were outside the lift and had completed their office tour were sweet enough to pass us complimentary Freddo chocolate bars through the tiny crack in the doors. Pity one of them fell down the elevator shaft!! Such a waste!!

5) Lifts which have 10 people breathing the same air can be very claustrophobic...Especially when the fan's not working...Damn dogdy lift if you ask me...

6) The capacity of the lift was 9 people, not 10...oops!! I think we all missed that...Ah wells!! Better luck next time, I guess...

Well, so yeah, thats about it...We all came out safely...A bit shaken (from standing for so damn long!!) and gulping for fresh air, but nevertheless, unharmed...

Gotta love elevators!!